It is one of my beliefs that good parents never necessarily wanted babies, they wanted a family. People who wanted "babies", meaning those sweet smelling swaddled bundles of warmth and peace, and those women to talk about lullabies and rocking chairs... I worry about them. I worry that they'll lose interest in their kids once they are no longer babies.
I think the 0-5 years are the most difficult, the most dreaded for me. I long for each new sign of independence. I wanted a family and that lifelong committment to people you love no matter what. I wanted to nurture, love, and build strong healthy individuals who I am so interestered to see what they accomplish in this life. I knew the sweet smell of a baby would turn to stanky diapers and spit-up before I could imagine it. No, I never did crave babies, but I was sure willing to do the baby years to get a family.
Maybe you're saying that I don't know what I'm talking about because my kids are 3 and 1. I'm basing this on having sisters born when I was 17 and 19 years old and having a very active role in their upbringing. I'm also basing this on my parents taking in foster babies, and mostly medically fragile ones for most of my teenage years. It was a family effort, we all loved it and pitched in. It was my mom's full time work, and she felt very strongly about this work and it showed. She got many accolades for her dedication and committment to these kids. My parents made a point not to "adopt" but to keep these babies until they went into adoptive risk homes (hopefully their last stop in the state foster care system). It was also a fabulous birth control method for teens considering sexual activity. Even my horny guy friends were more cautious. I did learn how lovely babies are but I also grew an awesome respect for the amount of work they require.
As a parent, I'm more interested in each new age. I want them to walk, and talk, and potty train, and argue with me, and tell me they want "Daddy!" because I know that means a small person is forming right there in front of me. Holy shit! I have contributed to the creation of a person with an identity of their own who might someday have my voice in their head. Doing the right thing never held more importance than when you have children. They see how you sit on the toilet and they see you roll your eyes when your mother is on the phone AGAIN that day. They know all your deep dark secrets, if not by name, by feel.
That said, I make every attempt to be real - I am not a parent who puts on a happy front at all times for my kids, but I do very much try to keep the negative burdens manageable for them. I disagree with parents who feel that your child should never feel that you're disappointed in them or mad at them. Hell yeah, I'm mad! You just bit me you little fucker! I'm pissed as hell and it hurts! I don't want to see you now. Go away. There is nothing wrong with this. If I approve of everything my kids do, how will they know the good from the bad? I will not raise one of those kids. That is how the real world works and I'm doing my children a disservice to purposely spare them of that notion until they go out there on their own?!?
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