Consistency is a BITCH!

After the Diet Coke blog, as I often do, I examined why I even thought so hard about it...


I have a heightened sense of alertness and perception at all times. It's a burden as much as a strength. My brain feels responsible for tracking and keeping up with everything, and organizing that information constantly with a sub-disease of trying hard not to be wasteful. It drives my sister nuts - she has the opposite ability to just fucking buy more paperclips when you can't remember where you put the last box a thousand years ago. Me? I misplace the paperclips but if I concentrate and picture it in my brain, I can conjure up the memory of where it is. This is not instinct or organization, it is literally recalling a picture in my mind's eye, even if I haven't physically seen the item in years.

My husband has learned to use my filing system for his own benefit, but I pity him at times too because it demands consistency and he has absolutely none. Oddly, his random mind is a huge part of why we're good for eachother but if it weren't for his pure heart, genuine personality, and total honesty he'd never be able to stand me.


School was always a breeze and it's a great quality for work because I never have to ask the same question twice.


I have to physically force myself to LET GO at times. I should have LET GO of that wasted can of Diet Coke. I didn't.

My brain is always counting things and I don't even realize it until something goes missing. My husband can ask me where one of his hundred blue Bic pens is and I know exactly which one he means and exactly where he left it 3 months ago. I am like a Navigation system, I am utterly unable to get lost, even when I want to.

It is consuming brain activity, but most days, I am unable to stop it. This happens with or without my cooperation. I am able to reign it in and/or let it out at times where it can be helpful or appropriate, but I cannot stop it. So, I make every effort to use it for good instead of evil.

Most regretably, I cannot guarantee that this character flaw of mine won't get you in trouble with me someday. Although I make a point of keeping the results of identified inconsistencies to myself unless they are earth-shattering in nature, it does happen.


Case in point: You should not vehemently agree with me that racism is an abhorrent, uneducated, and disgusting point of view and then 12 years later, look over your shoulders and the proceed to use the N word in my presence. It will cause me to evaluate the truthfulness of everything else you've ever said to me. Sorry. I didn't mean to remember that conversation from 12 years ago when you gushed "tolerance if not acceptance" and shit like that.


I'm pretty sure your apetite for or comfort level with the N word is not something that increases with age and wisdom, which means you've always felt that way, but you faked it for my sake at one point in time.



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