Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Drug Addicts are STUPID!

Every time I tune in to A&E's Intervention, I wonder how on earth these dumbasses "...agree to be in a documentary about addiction..." but "...do not know they will soon face an intervention."

This show is FAMOUS!? If I was an addict, I'd totally watch it if for no other reason than to gather new addict ideas.

At first I thought: Duh! Drug addicts don't remember to pay their cable bill! But COME THE F ON! If your closest family and friends are familiar enough with the show to have secured your dumbass a starring episode, you MUST have at least heard of it before.

I guess it's the mind-set of only hearing what you want to believe and disregarding the rest. I am sure that deep down, these people want attention and help for whatever their problems are so even the information they are disregarding consciously is being received subconsciously but SERIOUSLY?! HOW DO YOU NOT SEE THAT COMING? They cannot all be such talented actors...

I know if I ever see the cameras headed my way, I'ma run my ass off in the opposite direction!




O

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Mother / Son bathroom bonding...

My friend Dave has always laughed at me for doing this "sales" thing to him when we are just hanging out talking. He accuses me of offering up an idea and then nodding vehemently and at the very end of my idea, I slightly shrug my shoulders, while still nodding, to gain the listeners buy in.

It would go like this: "I don't know why everyone underestimates Gen X'ers, particularly late Gen X'ers by saying we are bitter, we have no identity, and no idea what to do for a living. I think [nod] people labeled us that after the grunge movement but before we [nod, nod] were at an age to actually be decidedly entrenched in careers. How can you make a generalization [nod, nod, nod] like that about a group of people who were still [nod, nod, nod, nod] under 25 at the time. Check [nod, nod, nod, nod, nod] those statistics now. We were just purposefully slow starters and late [shrug while still nodding] bloomers."

So this morning, I was getting Wil and Georgia ready to leave the house and Wil was taking a big dump. Once he finally finished the dump portion of his visit to the potty, he was able to pee. While peeing, he said "Mumma, Pee is gross...!" all the while nodding with a slight shrug at the end while still nodding to gain my buy in on his statement thought. He just turned 3 last month.

I left Dave a voicemail on my way to work, thanking him for pointing that out all these years if for no other reason than I was able to recognize the moment....

Also, Dave is ALWAYS amused by my writing style. He says he can picture me talking to myself as I write, and that all I'm actually doing is writing down conversations I have with myself. He thinks I'm wordy, but ususally interesting and funny enough to pull it off. I think of him alot when I edit myself. I'm okay with this.


0

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Merry Christmas

Justin thinks it's wildly entertaining that I know every word to just about every Christmas Carol ever published. He likes to find new or obscure ones and test me. It's rare that I don't know it. I can't really say why this is. I suppose it is just my freaky memory, and I've always liked Christmas music.

When Justin knows I'm not in the mood for the game, he'll goad me into it like this:

Justin sings loudly: "Christ! It's cold in Bethlehem. Warming to the newborn king!"

Fully knowing I will correct him and sing: "Christ was born in Bethlehem, glory to the newborn king!"

I have to admit, this year was the first year I'd really heard or noticed the verse including the lyric "Bring us some Figgy Pudding..." in the standard"We Wish You A Merry Christmas!"








O

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Consistency is a BITCH!

After the Diet Coke blog, as I often do, I examined why I even thought so hard about it...


I have a heightened sense of alertness and perception at all times. It's a burden as much as a strength. My brain feels responsible for tracking and keeping up with everything, and organizing that information constantly with a sub-disease of trying hard not to be wasteful. It drives my sister nuts - she has the opposite ability to just fucking buy more paperclips when you can't remember where you put the last box a thousand years ago. Me? I misplace the paperclips but if I concentrate and picture it in my brain, I can conjure up the memory of where it is. This is not instinct or organization, it is literally recalling a picture in my mind's eye, even if I haven't physically seen the item in years.

My husband has learned to use my filing system for his own benefit, but I pity him at times too because it demands consistency and he has absolutely none. Oddly, his random mind is a huge part of why we're good for eachother but if it weren't for his pure heart, genuine personality, and total honesty he'd never be able to stand me.


School was always a breeze and it's a great quality for work because I never have to ask the same question twice.


I have to physically force myself to LET GO at times. I should have LET GO of that wasted can of Diet Coke. I didn't.

My brain is always counting things and I don't even realize it until something goes missing. My husband can ask me where one of his hundred blue Bic pens is and I know exactly which one he means and exactly where he left it 3 months ago. I am like a Navigation system, I am utterly unable to get lost, even when I want to.

It is consuming brain activity, but most days, I am unable to stop it. This happens with or without my cooperation. I am able to reign it in and/or let it out at times where it can be helpful or appropriate, but I cannot stop it. So, I make every effort to use it for good instead of evil.

Most regretably, I cannot guarantee that this character flaw of mine won't get you in trouble with me someday. Although I make a point of keeping the results of identified inconsistencies to myself unless they are earth-shattering in nature, it does happen.


Case in point: You should not vehemently agree with me that racism is an abhorrent, uneducated, and disgusting point of view and then 12 years later, look over your shoulders and the proceed to use the N word in my presence. It will cause me to evaluate the truthfulness of everything else you've ever said to me. Sorry. I didn't mean to remember that conversation from 12 years ago when you gushed "tolerance if not acceptance" and shit like that.


I'm pretty sure your apetite for or comfort level with the N word is not something that increases with age and wisdom, which means you've always felt that way, but you faked it for my sake at one point in time.



0

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

I am uncontrollably meticulous and thirsty...

Thirsty as ever, I grabbed a fresh Diet Coke as I was leaving the house to do some annoying errands today. I got a few miles away before I realized I'd left my crack, I mean, Diet Coke, in the garage while I was loading annyoing errand crap into the car.

Immediately upon this realization, I became psychotically thirsty. I saw mirages of hot, sandy deserts and dusty camels. My toungue felt thick and heavy, and my nose could distinctly remember the tingle that comes with the first few tingly sips of a pristine Diet Coke. I considered driving back home for it, knowing it was wasteful to let it get flat and warm while I did annoying errands.

Soon enough, rational thought returned and I just bought another Diet Coke. But when I got home, I made a point of locating the original can and I finished that one too. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!






O

Monday, December 22, 2008

I'll trade money for happiness...

I mentioned in a previous post (Did you just call me a statistic?!) how cutting back on work to be home with the kids had a huge impact on our marriage. I've been thinking alot about that....

Justin and I have always done all the household chores/shopping together. It's not because we're some disgusting, hyper-organized, efficient couple who cannot be away from eachother. It actually started as this quirky habit while we were dating. The quirky habit is rooted in Justin's love of meandering the aisles at SUPER stores. He does it artfully, there is no timeframe -just browsing and shopping and checking stuff out. Never the mall, only SUPER stores. It's a study of pop-culture or something. It's soothing to him. Anyway, he has always done his grocery shopping on Sundays. I would join him when I spent weekends at his place. Eventually we were living together and it just became this thing our friends laughed at us for: "Oh, nevermind, can't do the cookout on Sunday, that's SHOPPING day! Hahahaha!".

Once we moved in together, I took over the laundry and most of the cleaning - Justin can't do either one for shit and I find these tasks cathartic and theraputic. Justin still contributed in ways that were a challenge and a risk for him. He (sort of) made the bed, he put laundry in the correct baskets, he took trash out, and made every attempt to embrace a whole new concept of not making a mess and leaving it. And most importantly, Justin knew that being inept did not exempt him from participation - he was always respectful enough to linger and keep me company until I released him. In a perfectly unplanned trade off, he took on most of the cooking duties. So, we were a modern couple from day one! We liked to make eachother's lives easier and play on our strengths. It was nice... until I went part-time at work.

Justin and I always agreed that if we were going to have kids, one or the other of us was going to be there with them as much as we could afford to do it. There was a time when we half considered Justin being that parent.

I knew before I tried to transition from career girl to mom, I knew that many women struggle with it. I was braced for it, and we tried to approach it realistically knowing that I very much define myself by my professional success and my career. Many people think it's a vacation to be allowed to stay home with kids. For me, it was a "sacrifice", but it was something I would absolutely do for my children. There is nothing I wouldn't sacrifice for myself to give to my children. Now, DO NOT tell my children that, they'll get a big head! They'll realize it all in good time. In fact, that's how I'll know I did a good job!

In that previous post, I mention the tangeable shift in power when I reduced my work to part time. I did this power shift thing to myself. Justin never made me feel less important or expendable, but I definately made myself feel that way. Nobody pats you on the head and says "Good girl! You got all the laundry done with two sick kids underfoot!". Being at home did a number on my head. Nothing to qualify or quantify me? How will I know I'm doing it right? I was a validation junkie...

A few years before our first child, Justin's business started generating sustainable profits and that had alot to do with deciding I could work just part time. Since that time, Justin has been working 6 days per week and is often gone for more than 12 hours per day. His days normally start at 6am. He is dead tired by the time he hits the door and eats my crappy dinners. He can barely stay awake past 9pm. Most nights, he follows the kids to bed.

On the plus side, when he comes in after work, he immediately cuddles and loves all over the kids and we all kick it in the kitchen while he helps with dinner. On the minus side, when bath / bed time arrives he is ready for a break and wanders off to something else, leaving it all to me just as my breaking point for the day is approaching. After several months of this, I finally started dragging him back by the ear to help me until he got the hint. Incidentally, this dragging by the ear of a tired man by a frustrated woman adds sich a nice, warm feeling to the kids' bedtime routine.

"Hint" was the problem. He is so tired, he deserves the break. For a long time, I did everything myself. I did it in the hopes that at alternate points, he would do the same for me. I was forgetting that he is a dude. He cannot read my hopeful-ass mind, I know this (sometimes).

I felt too guilty to ASK him so I hinted... Oh my god! I became that girl. I hated to burden him to stay involved in the routine just a liiittle bit longer, that way we could both get to our downtime faster. I felt guilty asking him to help around the house, even on weekends. I felt guilty about asking him to unload the dishwasher. I felt petty about feeling so rageful that this man who I'd coached so well for 10 years was reverting back to dropping his dirty clothes beside the bed or the shower. I let all this crap load up on me, all while taking over the bookkeeping and office duties for his business, in addition to my own part time work.

I felt that standard "lonely for adult interaction" feeling. I eventually came to appreciate the evenings, when they all went to bed and I had a few hours to myself, but I was lonely. With him working so hard, I made a point to take over the grocery shopping, take over the cleaning altogether, and many other little tasks like this that we used to share. I did this so that when he was home, we weren't rushing in different directions trying to keep up with it all. So that he could hang out with us, so we wouldn't drift and develop different lives as so often happens.

The more I took on, the more my expectations of him lowered and lowered. He had less and less responsibility and was not at all engaged in the household. He became spoiled and irrelevant and uninterested. I did that to him. I thought I was doing us all a favor but really I created a monster, and I resented it. By last summer, I wanted to run away just so he would know how much work I did. I knew it was childish to want to "prove" something, but how else would he know to appreciate me?!??

In the past few months, his business, like so many, is way off - in fact, the damn thing is nearly shut down. Justin has been around alot more. It's an adjustment for all of us but if there is a silver lining to the economic downturn, it's that we love having him around AND his appreciation level for what I go through at home is way back up to where it used to be.

When he walks around dusting the living room, he can see for himself how badly the walls need to be painted. When he sweeps the floor, he can see how much damage Lucy has done to the wood floors. He cannot believe how many times per day you have to sweep the kitchen, so now - he remembers, without fail, to take those mud caked boots off so he won't poop on his own hard work. He knows the kids and their moods more intimately. And my personal fave: Sometimes I get to be the good cop now that he is around so much that he actively disciplines the children too.
I forgot about the importance of pride in ownership. I forgot that you own a thing more when you build it yourself. You care more when you stay involved. We feel more like ourselves these days and I am way less stressed...




O

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Is that how you see me?!

How do I tactfully and respectfully handle inappropriate job leads?

At the beginning of December, my company informed me, with heavy heart, that I will be laid off as of January 2nd.

When this happened, I took the advice of experts at http://www.pongoresume.com/ among others and I reached out to my personal and professional network with my resume and asked for their assistance in my search for the right job.

It ABSOLUTELY worked. I am so grateful to have my "network" beating the streets for me however, I am being inundated with leads for jobs that even if I wanted to, I could not entertain.
I think their gesture of mentioning that their Dental Office is hiring a receptionist is so kind and warm. I would never want to offend them by saying I not only need more challenge professionally (alot more), I also need more money for my family situation and frankly, my experience is worth more money than that.

How do I tell my husband's aunt that the cashier position at the local supermarket that she found for me won't cut it. She means well, and in her day - this would be a great job for a young, busy mom. She is all kinds of country and old timey. She says Extry, not Extra, as in, "Does he wear a large or an extry-large?!" She asks you to "study on what all I can get y'ins for Christmas!" and she has more money than T. Boone Pickens. She borrowed a dress to wear to our wedding. She is eccentric and old school and would think I'm just too big for my britches if I tried to explain that I am one of THOSE modern style women who has a CAREER, not just a job. When she checks back in with me and asks, "Did you go down there and fill out an application?!" I feel guilty whether I say Yes or No.

Many of these wonderful people (rightfully so) have no idea how much I make now, or have made before I landed here 7 years ago however they all know how talented, resourceful, and savvy I am at work. Many of these folks are in positions similar to the ones they're recommending.

Here is why it confounds me: If my boss was losing his job - I would NEVER presume that he could just go work as data entry clerk. I would assume he would look for something equal to what he earns/does now, wouldn't you?

Here is how I have been responding when these people are thoughtful enough to mention one of these positions: I thank them and let them know I'll look into it and then I give them a copy of my resume. I hand off the resume partly to encourage them to continue to think of me, but also to urge them to read between the lines a bit and see my depth of experience.

I may reach a point where one of these positions is going to save my family but until I am there, how do I avoid offending them while being honest?






O
Help!

Friday, December 19, 2008

I'm currently having...

I'm currently having the following love/hate relationships:


Kanye West
I love him - he is MAD talented, he has MAD style, he is not afraid to be himself
I hate him - he is arrogant, smug, and has an attitude of total entitlement


My CAR
I love it - the luxury, the speed, the creature comforts, the wood grain in the steering wheel
I hate it - we are so upside down on it


The BITCH who brought in a fresh Christmas batch of Krispy Kremes to the office
I love her - it was the perfect pick me up for a dreary, damp, freakishly warm day
I hate her - I'm on my second one in 2 hours


Georgia's BRITAX carseat
I love it - it is SO FUCKING easy to install, it is truly a life-changing car seat
I hate it - it smells like fresh puke despite several washings of the cover and all reachable parts following last evenings barf fest

My brother
I love him - he is my brother, he is an amazing person and artist, he is hilarious, I hate him - he really hurts my feelings








O

At least he's creative?!

Today, on the way to pre-school, I caught Wil checking himself out in my rear view mirror for an extended period of time. When he finally spoke, he said "Mumma, I don't want red lips. I want yellow lips." No shit, this is what he said to me.








O

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Did you just call me a statistic?!

In a previous post , I told you my adult life/work history story and in it, I mused the fact that I am a statistic in that I earn less now that I have children. I dislike it. I don't "feel" like a statistic. I've never given a shit what the Jones' are doing or even what the Jones' think of what I am doing. I'm more inclined to do the opposite of what my peers are doing. So I don't readily cop to it, but if only coincidentally - it's true, I am a statistic. Ugg!

I referenced "experts" who say things and here is a succinct quote from Penelope Trunk (http://www.blog.penelopetrunk.com/), CEO of Brazen Careerist who I follow and normally agree with:

She said in her most recent blog:
"There is no gender disparity. Women earn more money than men in their 20s and when they have kids, women choose to downscale and men don't, so why don't we all shut up about the pay disparity and talk about the parenting disparity?"

Oh Goody! Can we? Can we please talk about the parenting disparity?!

Call me a statistic all you want, I know the truth.

There was a time, before I actually carried my first child and gave birth, that we seriously considered Justin being the stay at home parent. Either way, we wanted one of us mostly home with the kids and I'm eternally grateful to family (specifically my mom) for always filling in the gaps and giving us this time with our kids. You never get these 0 to 5 years back. You can't do that when they're 15, once you finally find time. But....

There was a verifiable shift in my household when I went from earning big and being gone alot to being home more, earning less, and letting my husband provide. Yes, I said "letting my husband provide", and before you tear me down for being a femi-nazi, I say it that way for a few reasons: 1. Right about the time that I started taking it slower, he began earning very decent money in his self-made business, and 2) I had to talk myself down from the career ledge a more than few times and I still have to give myself permission to slow down and focus on home.

When I started to allow myself permission to be home, I did relax somewhat but I also I felt less power in the household. Justin never made me feel that way, I made myself feel that way. I felt less important, I felt expendable, I even felt less attractive (that was F'ed!). I was the one who lost sleep to be up with kids in the middle of the night. I was the default parent 24/7, even when Justin was home. It would never occur to him to breeze right out into the garage and spend an hour just screwing around, assuming I had the kids covered. I felt like I could never get a break. I felt dumped on at every turn with never a thank you. I ran errands and made lunch and wiped asses.

I know, waah! waah! waah! I also became my husband's back office (a part time job in itself) along with working a minimum of 20 hours a week at my own job. Basically, you feel like you shouldn't complain or expect help or respite from the children and household if you're being afforded the luxury of being able to be home, even on a part-time basis. Maybe my problem is that taking care of home, children and husband can be a busy (if not intense) full time job of it's own and then I added two part time jobs on top of it.

I always say, it's not hard work to be at home, but it is emotionally more work than having a career. This is because the work is mind-numbingly dull yet constant. Nothing defines you. Oh, they'll tell you that your children's good manners are a real testament to your hard work, but seriously?! Nobody pats you on the head for finishing the laundry and keeping the dishes clean. You break your day into 30 minute segments and you build your schedule around naps and meals, and you never truly get anything thoroughly finished. It's much more intense to have a full time career but there are peaks and valleys there. You usually get evenings and weeekends off, vacation weeks, and down time at holidays. And that down time gives you the energy and perspective you need to be a productive, meaningful contributor when you are at work. As your primary employer, Parenting does not give a shit what day of the week it is, when it's time to projectile vomit in the car - it's time. No matter that your last trip to Mexico was over 5 years ago.

I am a worker, I long for the challenge and the meaning it brings to parts of me that I rely on alot. Sure, my kids bring me more joy than I ever imagined and I've never loved so deeply - but I (me), I get something out of working that I will never get at home. I will have difficulty retiring.
But Penelope made me feel better about being a "statistic". A while back she finished a scathing blog (What women can do when they're young to be happy later on) with this sentence:
"But then, that's the trouble with all research—when it suggests a change you weren't already excited about, you decide that it doesn't apply to you. And I'm no exception."

Hells Yeah!





O

Monday, December 15, 2008

Car in Spanish

In an effort to get Georgia to say more words lately, we drill her, as a family, in the car. We usually try to get Wil to say the word we want her to say so she'll think it's cool but to make it fun and challenging for Wil, we try to quiz him a bit too.

Justin: "Wil, say Car!"

Wil: "Car!"

Georgia said nothing.

Justin: "Good boy Wil! Now say Car in spanish..."

Wil: "Car in spanish!"

Georgia still said nothing.








O

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Reminding myself...

I'm being laid off. It's effective December 31st. They tearfully, painfully communicated this to me on December 10th. Fuck! MotherFucker! They cannot afford me anymore considering the economy. My active customers are a bit freaked, my sales people are freaked, and I am thoroughly scared and sad and frustrated! Fuck! I'm being laid off AGAIN! Again? Yes, again!

How did I get here? I came to this job from a different layoff in 2001 but to really explain that I need to go back to the start of my work life. It's all connected. I hope it's an interesting read, after all, it IS my adult life. Here goes:

After school, in 1991, I went to work as a peon at a massive insurance company as did many of my peers in the Hartford, CT area. Despite my corporate status of hamster in a wheel, I was the envy of my friends, because I could easily afford a brand new, ultra-sporty, two-seater in Samba Pearl Green and all the clothes I wanted from The Limited. I actually had the store credit card that offered the "gold" feature of being able to call ahead and reserve a dressing room and a store attendant to bring me everything in my size. For reals! Of course, I earned that by spending lots of money there and paying it off in full every month, but I digress...


After a couple of years of being a slave to the grind, a VP visited our department in his effort to better understand all of the minutiae of all of his departments. They seated him with me. He listened to me sell all afternoon.


Two years later, in 1995 - he took me with him when an equally huge competitor insurance company stole him away to pilot a very similar program with their company. So, Yankee be damned, I migrated to the South.

Within a year, the start-up was up and running very well. I met very good friends and the man I would marry (7 years and a cross-country move or two later). I got used to the South and the South got used to me. The company sent me everywhere to do everything. It was a heady love affair for company and employee alike.

The company groomed me with prestigious professional courses and then assigned me related projects CONSTANTLY.

I spent several weeks learning from some super-hip old dudes in Las Vegas, NV how to write content and sequence uber-effective training materials for adult learning. When I returned, I re-constructed our entire new-hire training program. The course was shortened by nearly 3 weeks AND churned out trainees that were so much more confident and prepared for the work. Those hilarious, old farts are still an industry leader in the training arena. People love to see that course on my resume and when they comment on it, I know that I'm talking to someone who totally knows their shit!

I spent 40 hours being coached by an NYC Industrial Psychology firm on Candidate Screening, Interviewing and Selection and was consequently sent to hire 300 positions ranging from entry level to management for a brand new location.

I re-wrote the Quality process which was the grade card for everything we did.

I streamlined policies and procedures constantly.

I was the person they sent to parts of the company that were flailing about miserably to whip them (softly but surely) into shape.

And the doozy: When our insurance company made history in 1999 by being THE very first one to merge with a bank legally for the first time in many, many years, I was the ONE person they sent to oversee the leveraging of one-anothers' products. Huge Deal!

It was INSANE. I did everything. They invested in me with so much professional education and experience and I paid them back by over-delivering at every turn. They knew I took my success very seriously and that meant I took their success very seriously. I was THE golden girl. Even when I was "wrong", I got such meaningful information from being wrong that it was right to be wrong.

I was between the ages of 21 and 27 when all of this happened.

People or departments who I was sent to work my magic on would have the same cartoon bubble thought over their heads saying "Who the hell is this kid? She is a baby! Why did they send her?!". My my magic was all in how I finessed situations. I approached everyone I ever worked with the way my VP approached me that one day he sat with me. I'd say, "Teach me what you do and why..." I never offered criticism, and I never gloated about my position. I was always humble and when my feedback did come across to them, it came across so consultatively that they felt it was their own ideas they were implementing. It has been invaluable in work and life for me to use that as my secret weapon. People generally internalize concepts and ideas much more effectively when they own it. You can't tell anyone anything, don't even waste your time!

Invariably, I left these projects with a new ally in my pocket and I eventually had a proponent in every part of the company that I touched. Thus, my success snowballed. It was no accident.

Just months before my wedding in 2001, I was offered - interview process not necessary - a heavy duty position back in the north. I turned it down. I never even really considered it, but felt so grateful for the compliment of being thought so highly of.

About a month later, along with 90% of the other pilot staff, I was laid off. Fuck! MotherFucker! Fuck me in the Goat Ass!

I'm sorry?!? I had no idea that we were still a pilot?!?!

I was never one for arrogance, but suddenly my professional ego or MOJO went heart first into the nearest toilet and made a comfortable home there in the ice-water. It was like I had vertigo. I felt like a cat with my whiskers cut off.

Most painful was maintaining social friendships with my former peers, but somehow a handful of those relationships have sustained. We don't meet for happy hour every Friday anymore, but we attend annual summer picnics and trade our children's photos at the holidays.

I was so devastated that it took me months to see that they tried to salvage me by offering me that position back in the north. It took me years to consider that my project work year in and year out had upped the salary for my official title of Manager of Strategic Distribution so much so that when it came time to reel the pilot waaayy in, I was not cost-effective.

Even still, I had a hard time reconciling the success of all my business building project work with the fact that the pilot inevitably failed.

So following that layoff, in 2001, I accepted a temporary position in telecommunications that became a permanent position. I should say I started another love affair with my work. I love what I do! The company is small (less than 250 employees in 10 locations spread over the south east) but quite nimble and cutting edge. They are innovative but lack the pocketbook for truly riding the rails, so even the most calculated risk is generally discouraged. I've done very meaningful work here. I've polished up what used to be jagged and rough. I've stream lined procedures and workflows that didn't even exist when I arrived. I standardized things and found a cost-effective rhythm. Essentially, I have brought about sophistication. They have always had the talent, the fiber (no - not telecom fiber, like fiber-of-their-being fiber), and the goods to be sophisticated, they just weren't.

My company who is still owned and run by the man who started in his garage 34 years ago. This is very rare for a technology, specifically telecom, company to have never been bought, sold or traded. To say the least, they hold their own in the market! The company is full of super-geeks who LOVE what they do and do it amazingly well! The problem is that they lack(ed) sophistication with their delivery. The sophistication and rhythm that keep your best clients from defecting to a competitor and/or the buyers remorse if a new customer isn't handled exactly right! That sophistication is usually very expensive - so they lucked into me at a very vulnerable time in my career. I needed the jump start and the feel of building something meaningful - I got that along with tons of flexibility and positive feedback.

Sensing the economic downturn, back in spring, I started staking out new challenges, but not with much fervor. I thought I had time. After a few months, my old insurance company had a posting for my old position. I didn't know how I felt, or how they'd feel - maybe once around is enough sometimes.

But fuck it, the daredevil in me went for it.

They all fawned on me and made moony eyes and I interviewed my sweet little ASS off! Turns out, they are finally growing, they've finally nailed down the formula. Every person I met with over the 4 hour process (new face or old) all had positive and specific things to say about my pioneer contributions and how they arrived where they are today.

I didn't get that opening but they had a damn good reason. Most of their growth so far has resulted in internal promotions and this time, they purposely went outside to find fresh meat. As much as they all agreed I would have been a deliciously perfect fit both culturally and experience-wise, the other finalist had just that edge over me. They have strongly encouraged me to come back in for the next opening.

In the process of that interview, I FINALLY reconciled my lingering doubts about my work there and the resulting layoff. I realized that I'd followed their instructions. Very well. To the letter. I slayed every goal they set for me. They told me to build something and hellfire, I built that mother! I was a worker bee, a savvy one, but a worker bee! The kind of worker bee you want buzzing around when you're building a business and a buttload of things need to be accomplished very well. I wasn't designing it, I was carrying out the design of someone else. And hey! Most valuable lesson learned in that reconciliation: I really like being that worker bee.

You couldn't pay me enough to be president of anything, but I do SO enjoy being the right hand man who is trusted to take an obscure, 5 word directive and turn it into a brilliant gem! I don't need much direction, but I do need direction. Oh and semi-regular feedback.

So the epiphany arrives post interview and I feel more confident as I continue my search, all the while plugging along at my current job. Fast forward to December 10th...

Now, the economy has officially shit the bed and my lil' lovely company cannot afford the luxury that is me. I am laid off effective December 31st. Fuck! MotherFucker! NOT A-fucking-GAIN!

As I interview for jobs now, I draw on so much of my amazing experience and it feels like I'm describing a crazy dream I had. I actually feel fraudulent while I talk, but it all really did happen. I embellish nothing, and yet I feel like I'm talking about someone I admire and aspire to be, not myself! Is that because the experience is in my distant past? Is that because I am so different now?

Admittedly, I've been floating along. This happy under-employment came to me just at the right time in my life. My husband has since built his business from the ground up, allowing me to earn less bread and take it easier. I've had two children, and a million other life changes have occurred. Once I slowed down at my sleepy little company, my personal life really took off. Did I finally allow it to come first or did the flexibility I suddenly had afford that?

Oh and SIDEBAR: I totally know you're thinking how much this all fits the mold of my generation of women in the workplace. Experts say nowadays, women make more than men early in their careers and trade that for men making more in the middle of their careers while they go home to have babies. Yeah, yeah - spare me the apron talk.

So, I am whoring my resume about, know any pimps?




O

Saturday, December 13, 2008

I'm not embarassed to admit..

It is one of my beliefs that good parents never necessarily wanted babies, they wanted a family. People who wanted "babies", meaning those sweet smelling swaddled bundles of warmth and peace, and those women to talk about lullabies and rocking chairs... I worry about them. I worry that they'll lose interest in their kids once they are no longer babies.


I think the 0-5 years are the most difficult, the most dreaded for me. I long for each new sign of independence. I wanted a family and that lifelong committment to people you love no matter what. I wanted to nurture, love, and build strong healthy individuals who I am so interestered to see what they accomplish in this life. I knew the sweet smell of a baby would turn to stanky diapers and spit-up before I could imagine it. No, I never did crave babies, but I was sure willing to do the baby years to get a family.


Maybe you're saying that I don't know what I'm talking about because my kids are 3 and 1. I'm basing this on having sisters born when I was 17 and 19 years old and having a very active role in their upbringing. I'm also basing this on my parents taking in foster babies, and mostly medically fragile ones for most of my teenage years. It was a family effort, we all loved it and pitched in. It was my mom's full time work, and she felt very strongly about this work and it showed. She got many accolades for her dedication and committment to these kids. My parents made a point not to "adopt" but to keep these babies until they went into adoptive risk homes (hopefully their last stop in the state foster care system). It was also a fabulous birth control method for teens considering sexual activity. Even my horny guy friends were more cautious. I did learn how lovely babies are but I also grew an awesome respect for the amount of work they require.


As a parent, I'm more interested in each new age. I want them to walk, and talk, and potty train, and argue with me, and tell me they want "Daddy!" because I know that means a small person is forming right there in front of me. Holy shit! I have contributed to the creation of a person with an identity of their own who might someday have my voice in their head. Doing the right thing never held more importance than when you have children. They see how you sit on the toilet and they see you roll your eyes when your mother is on the phone AGAIN that day. They know all your deep dark secrets, if not by name, by feel.


That said, I make every attempt to be real - I am not a parent who puts on a happy front at all times for my kids, but I do very much try to keep the negative burdens manageable for them. I disagree with parents who feel that your child should never feel that you're disappointed in them or mad at them. Hell yeah, I'm mad! You just bit me you little fucker! I'm pissed as hell and it hurts! I don't want to see you now. Go away. There is nothing wrong with this. If I approve of everything my kids do, how will they know the good from the bad? I will not raise one of those kids. That is how the real world works and I'm doing my children a disservice to purposely spare them of that notion until they go out there on their own?!?




O

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Virtual Childhood

It's such a huge loss that kids only know how to interact with eachother from behind the safety of their pc and would have no idea how to actually play spin the bottle in person. They are missing out on so much! Life skills you learn as a teen from interacting, facing rejection, dealing with real emotions - are all performed in a virtual world. I wonder if teens even pass notes in school anymore what with the advent of texting.

As a teen, I did whatever I could to see my friends including walk 4 miles in a blizzard on a snow day to meet at a greasy breakfast joint - or - hiking my skinny ass all the way up Pinnacle Mountain in the dark and freezing cold just to drink shitty keg beer! It was good, (un)clean fun! Now, a snowday means who can I IM today? It's all so virtual, there is barely anything real left! I'd hate to be a teenager nowadays!




O

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

My McObsession with Breakfast

I should explain why breakfast at McD's is such a treat for me after this last McPost

Somewhere around the age of 5, I stopped eating meat which meant no more happy meals. As much as that seemed unfair, I didn't like the meat so much that I found the strenth to give up happy meals for not being forced to eat the burger lest an Ethiopan child find out I wouldn't eat my burger. The meat just skeeved me out. The texture was all wrong, and even as a five year old I was indignant about the shape that they serve the McRib in. I mean, COME ON!! It's straight up insulting to put that sandwich patty into the shape of real ribs with the bones jutting out in a pattern.

When I stumbled on McD's breakfast menu, I felt like a born-again American saying: "Hi! I would like a number 3 with NO bacon and a large diet coke, please!"

To be fair, most all meats disgust me and if I think about eggs and chickens for too long, I can't eat either of those things until I forget again. Oh, it's nothing moral or environmental - I'm just not generally a fan of meats or fish or poultry of any kind. Do NOT tell my children this, please!

Admittedly, and maybe not so coincidentally, my tastes in food have not matured beyond the age I was when I boycotted meats, particularly fast food meats. For a brief time, when McNuggets hit my scene, I gave them a serious try but invariably, I always bite straight into some chunk of grissle and I give up again.

There are exceptions.

For example: a carefully prepared filet stuffed with gorgonzola or bleu cheese fresh from my friend Danny's grill. Danny taught me how to eat steak. He wholeheartedly maintains that the words "steak" and "sauce" used together are quite profane yet used seperately are holy words. He is known for walking into the house on every Saturday wearing his "weekend uniform" of yellow snowboard pants (yes, yellow, like fireman pants, and yes snowboard as in winter sport, and yes even in JULY in the south), with a plain white undershirt tee, and unlaced running shoes. After incoherent grumblings while passing me on his mission to my refrigerator, he rummages around like a hungry bear in springtime until he finds non-moulded food stuffs (generally aged takeout) and then asks in all seriousness, "You got some sauce I can put on this??!!"

This is charming for two reasons: 1. He has done this every single weekend that he lived within an hours drive of us over the past 13 years that we've been friends and, 2. His southern Georgia drawl takes the maniacal edge off his food missions (but, incidently, not his mild lactose intolerance farts). Danny can make one hell of a steak!

Another exception is BACON. You know EXACTLY what I mean about BACON, don't you!?

Thanksgiving - what a meal! I start making room in about August!




O

Monday, December 1, 2008

McSeriously? 10:30am?

Since the time I discovered the salvation that is the breakfast menu at McD's (or Old MacDonald's as my 3 year old refers to it) I have been personally and deeply offended by their breakfast hours. I can remember thinking to myself that by the time I was in my mid-30's surely population shifts and generational consumerism would DICTATE without question that NOBODY wants a hamburger before 11:30am, and on the off chance that you do, a sausage mcmuffin would scratch that freaky itch, right?


Wrong!


Those bastards still cut breakfast off at 10:30.

In my single years, the concept of breakfast shutting down at 10:30 am irritated me because I consistently made it to work with about a millisecond to spare so I never stopped for breakfast. My hips are grateful for the intimate relationship I had with my snooze button. All week long, as I passed the golden arches at staggering speeds, I would shake my fist and promise mad damage come Saturday morning.

By Saturday morning, my hungover ass was as inclined to roll out for a "bacon egg and cheese with no bacon" as I was to wear FMB's.

In presesnt times, the Saturday AM hangover has been replaced by toddler morning breath and PBS Kids BUT STILL, getting out of the house in time to join the around-the-block-I-shit-you-not drivethru line before 10:10am is a feat deserving of an extra hasbrown. And we all know 10:10 to be the magic moment because just like bars at closing time, the McManager sets the clock six minutes fast AND you're never the only idiot craving the McCrack.

By 10:10am, the parking lot at ANY McD's becomes a rodeo circus of McCrack-heads. I always snicker at the dumbasses who parked and went inside because NOBODY in this drivethru line is leaving an inch between thier oversized, overpriced SUV and the oversized, overpriced crossover ahead of them for fear that a hungover 20-something in a miniature hybrid will line jump them. Sorry suckers! You parked! You're not going anywhere until 10:31am.

Did you know that "black friday" is modeled after McD's between 10:10 and 10:30 AM? Seriously, it's some marketing stragety designed to create urgency and minimize waste, right? I mean, who the hell wants a burger at 10:31 am on any given day?

Anyway, can we start a movement or something? Can I speak to your manager? Oh and also, why do they insist on putting the trash can AFTER the pick up window? Puhlease, strategically place this trash recepticle between the pay window and the pick up window so I can make space for new crap!! DUH!





O

Friday, November 14, 2008

How sick am I?

I totally want to marry Hank Moody!


I generally think David Duchovny is a decent actor, but I don't always enjoy his genre of films, so I say I "like"him, not I "love" him. Something about the character of Hank Moody as portrayed by Duchovny makes me warm in secret places. It's perfect. Maybe Duchovny gets an upgrade.






O

Friday, August 22, 2008

Back seat driver

Recently, we were stuck in a bit of traffic. We were positioned about 10 cars back from the red light that had turned green not more than a nanosecond before when the following conversation transpired:

Wil - "Drive! Mumma! Drive!"

Mumma - "Don't sweat me, Wil!"





O

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Comedy Central Roast of Flavor Flav...

If you know me, you know I loves me some Comedy Central...(except for Sarah Silverman, Lil' Bush, and Drawn Together). South Park is funnier and more relevant every season that it's on. Reno 911 is the perfect campy comedy. I loved last season's Half Way Home. Plus, they rerun SCRUBS like a motherfucker! It's great. This pregnancy would have been twice as long without Comedy Central. Watching Jon Stewart's Daily Show is like being in my head, hearing my stream of consciousness every evening when I watch the Nightly World News. I suspect that I only watch the Nightly World News so that the Daily Show will make sense to me, but that is probably a horrible thing to admit.


I know that it's not really a roast in the tradition of Friar's Roasts when Comedy Central does one these days but I tune in for all of them. I don't like that Comedy Central uses their "staff" comics like Greg Geraldo, Lisa Lampinelli, Jeffrey Ross, Jimmy Kimmel, etc. They are truly fucking funny but in most cases they may or may not even know the roastee. Sure, they mix it up with people from the roastee's life but I don't think that embodies the original spirit of a Friar's Roast. And they also roast non-roastworthy folks (c'mon, Pamela Anderson?!) sometimes...

So, I tuned in for Flavor Flav's roast last night and there was some bed shaking laughter going on in my house for sure! Poor Justin was trying to sleep.. I thought the funniest moment was when Katt Williams said that Carrot Top looked like the child of Ronald McDonald and Wendys!



0

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Part of the problem, or part of the solution?

It seems idiotic that the general public is so pissed about soaring gas prices this summer that "staycation" is now a word and you cannot have a conversation without it coming up YET 99 out of 100 cars out there on the roads and highways are commuting around with windows up and AC on full blast. Mc FLY!?! HELLO?!!!



So Beej commented on August 10th, when she FINALLY got around to reading my blog, AHEM!:
I recently read that using the AC does not increase gas consumption or save gas by not using it - that was only the case with old beaters like the 1970 loads etc. Now a days, ACs are so efficient that they really do not increase use of gas. But back in the "olden days" like when you were little cars were not near as efficient so using the AC meant a lot more energy use/ gas use. But then again, you drive a Cadillac SUV you fucking moron.. You are a SUV road hog/gas guzzler... I love yelling at people in SUVs..

To which I replied:
REALLY? You 6 cylinder BMW WAGON driving bitch, then why in any car I've ever owned does using the Air Conditioning CONSUME twice the gas (ok, 1/3 more in reality)!!?


Also, it makes any car I've ever owned (including very energy efficient Honda/Acura's) run like it's towing a full-sized Walmart down I75 in rushhour? And don't crack on my crossover wagon, I wanted a campy lil' volvo wagon (I covet your car) and even more importantly, I'll remind you that I had to DRAG YOU by your greasy pony tail off the fucking FORD lot - ahem - Mariner ring a bell??!!


Admittedly, on my road trips recently, I can see a huge increase in Ford ownership and their CONSUMER ratings have advanced by leaps and bounds - they're actually competing very well with foreign markets. I know you and Josh were way impressed with that Ford SUV you rented for the trip to the Baby Shower.


[I'm doing it again.... I'm blogging within the comment of a blog!!]


Ford appeared to lead American truck sales for like 20 years now but that was inflated due to service companies who buy trucks for their staff always get HUGE fleet discounts for those lil' white trucks you see and always associate with a service vehicle. Now they're taking the car market by storm by FUCKING FINALLY designing a car that resembles in build, size, features, and engine specs what German and Japanese auto makers have been SLAMMING them with for DECADES!


Hey FORD, Welcome to the 80's!!



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Thursday, July 24, 2008

Friends' quirky, more interesting cousin...

I love the TBS show "My Boys!". It's cute and hip without trying too hard. Check it out.

Monday, June 30, 2008

I've been listening to...

I've been living on repeat listens to the newly re-released Liz Phair, Exile in Guyville. I love it every bit as much as I did when it debuted, but I sortof miss the odd, unexplained thickness of the old disc. "Ant in Alaska" kicks ass!

The newest Weezer is also rocking my senses!

Both of these gems are compliments of Amy - the only music source I really ever trust!

And I chronically listen to, as always, Dr. Dre's THE CHRONIC circa nine-deuce, bitches! I think I'm literally on my third copy of that disc.