So after reading my "Because you asked.." blog, a very good friend could not believe another friend of mine would ask if childbirth was "worth it". I don't blame her one bit for her question. Here is my response to her:
My friend Priscilla asked me what childbirth was really like - she did not ask if it was worth it. Of course we all know it's worth it. What you don't always know and can't understand until you actually have the kid is HOW worth it.
I could have EASILY been one of those women who never had children. You knew me back when... It might have been a twinge of something I missed here and there as I got older, but you know Justin and I weren't trying to give up our package vacations and stuff and stuff. We had to come to terms with how to continue to have that stuff with Wil and we decided Wil is just going to have to be cool like us. I don't think parents really consider that before having kids. He is just GOING to be the one 4 year old you see helping old ladies find their gates at the airport. He is going to have his own passport and his own luggage (and I will not be the MOM of his shit). He will learn to pack his own bag and don't bring shit you can't carry by yourself and he is going to learn that life is what you make it and you take the fun with you. I was never scared of this responsibility of teaching him how to be his own person - THIS is parenting. Parenting is not picking out cute outfits and buying a station wagon.
Saturday, June 10, 2006
Thursday, June 1, 2006
Because you asked...(more for the ladies)!
Probably more for the girls...
A friend recently asked how terrifying childbirth really was. In a previous blog (which I wrote AFTER having my son) I listed "childbirth" as one of the three unresolved fears that I live with to this day (the other two are needles and bugs). Naturally, my answer to her question cannot be simple but please note that I wouldn't tell the story unless she asked.
Also, in preface to this blog, I heard a phrase the other day and my blog is exactly why this phrase was coined. You're supposed to use this phrase when you want to hurry someone to the point of any kind of story (not just childbirth stories). The phrase is, "Enough about the delivery - tell us about the baby!" It's so true that new mothers want to talk about the delivery more than the baby. I guess that is because for 10 + months all we heard was everyone else's damned UNSOLICITED advice and labor stories which honestly are boring as hell to everyone but the person telling it.
We all vow never to be that girl, telling her 14 hour delivery story to everyone who will listen the moment they spot a waddling, huffing, puffing pregnant girl! I also vowed never to look at pregnant women with that irritating "oh-you-poor-thing-I've-been-there-and-I-understand" smile, I hated that as much as I hated people telling me to "get your rest now, haha!" AS IF I DIDN'T FUCKING KNOW!!! But I guess maybe they didn't know during their first pregnancy so they feel like you don't either. We don't all go into this with our fairy tale helmets on...
There are many irritating things about pregnancy, and so many scary things, and so many wonderful things. The bottom line is that everyone has their own experience, no matter what 9 out of 10 other women experienced. You can get worked up or you can just deal... The best advice was always from other recently new moms and it came in the form of ITEMS they found helpful, not ways they handled things, or books they read, or how they felt, or how everloving helpful their fucking mothers were. The BOPPY was a nice piece of advice, the BODY PILLOW was a good thing to tell me about but hey you can keep the rest of it to yourself. Don't even get me started on the speeches we endure from veteran miscarriage sufferers...that is really a new blog for another time.
Anyway - here is my story, but it is not intended to scare or comfort you either way. You will do it your own way, in your own time. I am only telling you because you asked and while it feels good to tell it, I am not condoning the telling of these stories.
--------------------
The very idea of vaginal child birthwas what kept me from really wanting kids for so long. I WAS TERRIFIED and by terrified I mean white-hot sweats, diarreah cramps and daymares for the entire pregnancy. Second only to that fear was my fear of the epidural needle (see first paragraph for unresolved fears) but I was NOT going without an epidural even if they used a damn baseball bat to administer it so I didn't even indulge in that fear. Not getting the epidural was like the equivalent to the sound and feel of the crackle under your foot when a nasty bug is squashed. It's traumatizing enough to have even seen the bug (see first paragraph for unresolved fears) but add to that the sound effects and the feeling through your shoe of squashing it? No thank you, if was was gonna blow my vagina out, I did not want to feel/see/hear a thing about it!
So, I kept my focus on the birthing fear alone. Let me say, I am no wuss, I have had plenty of surgery (as an adult I have had my tonsils out, wisdom teeth pulled, two cystectomys, and a full-scale breast reduction) and I am told I am tough as nails but this birth thing - umm no, I could not rationalize.
The majority of pregnancy was bearable with minor annoyances such as endless nausea that flipped a switch one day and became endless heartburn, the neverending urge to pee (even as you leave the bathroom), and the unsolicited advice that people love to give. For the last 3 months, resting was not restful. I found that putting my feet up and laying down made me feel stiff and achy. I was better off if I kept moving.
Contractions were not at all what they scare you with - they were tough but they count you through them, you can watch them peak and receed and it feels pretty normal. I had no idea that I was even having real labor contractions but I was literally off the charts when the hooked me up to the monitor. It felt like having to pee and poo and sneeze and yawn all at once but while you had the wind knocked out of you - annoying yes, horrid and awful - not really!
I knew C Section was an option only if medically necessary. I'm told repeatedly that this is still the medical guideline despite all the celebrities and the "schedule your own C Section" news you hear - the ONLY time doctors are supposed to allow it to be scheduled is if they know for SURE you're going by C Section (such as when previous births have been C Sections).
I was ALL ABOUT going C Section, I really didn't want to blow out my girly parts for the rest of my sex life let alone allow my poor husband to watch that shit! My rule for him was that he stay absolutely above my elbows at all times! I literally cried (albiet quietly) in the birthing classes when they showed videos of it. Plus, C Section seemed like a great option because I felt comfortable knowing exactly how my body heals from that type of surgery versus the lower blowout! I mean, I am the sort of girl who enjoys regular pees and poos and what would that do to a person even if only temporary? EEWW! Have you ever avoided peeing and pooing all day? How about 2 or more weeks? One girlfriend mentioned that her blownout lower region had it's own throbbing heartbeat after just 5 minutes of standing upright and this was up to two weeks after birth!
Apparently I was not alone in this paralyzing fear. I have heard many times that at some point during your late pregnancy your brain starts compensating for that ultimate fear with an even greater curiousity. Hmm.... Ah, ha! Just as I suspected, that is bullshit to keep you hanging in there until it's too late. Well, Ok, I do have one girlfriend (the same one who later felt the throbbing heartbeat down there) who had an amazing curiousity about what the head would feel like in the birth canal. She is a fucking freak! I never really got there but, I also never screamed and yelled or said shit like "get this thing out of me" or looked at my husband and said "you did this to me, you bastard!" like you see in the movies. I was quoted as saying "WHO DOES THIS?!?" (meaning have babies) but this was when they were breaking my water which was the absolute worst part for me. I wasn't supposed to even feel that but I had extreme tenderness around my uterus. I didn't actually feel them break my water (there are no nerve endings where they break it), but getting the knitting needle hook in the right position for me was the painful part. I was in pretty bad pain even when they were checking to see how dilated I was which I am told is HIGHLY unusual. They said my uterus was extremely irritated - I have theories about why that I can save for some other time, some other blog. This uterus tenderness was the absolue worst part of the entire pregnancy, labor, and delivery. Even with that, only hours later, I was fully able to say YES - unequivocally - I will face it again.
Gratefully, I did have a C-section but only because I was past my due date, the baby would not drop despite the inducement - his heart rate kept dropping along with my blood pressure so they decided just to do it. About an hour before they rushed me back for the C Section, they gave me the epidural which was so much hype, it was WAY easy and WAY beyond worth it.
So I end the story here, telling you I had a healthy, beautiful boy who I would DIE for 100 times over so yes, I would blow out my poor vagina without a second thought and I didn't really know that for sure until I saw him. The more I get to know him, the smaller that price gets.
Oh and DO NOT FIND OUT THE SEX! THAT IS MY only ADVICE!
A friend recently asked how terrifying childbirth really was. In a previous blog (which I wrote AFTER having my son) I listed "childbirth" as one of the three unresolved fears that I live with to this day (the other two are needles and bugs). Naturally, my answer to her question cannot be simple but please note that I wouldn't tell the story unless she asked.
Also, in preface to this blog, I heard a phrase the other day and my blog is exactly why this phrase was coined. You're supposed to use this phrase when you want to hurry someone to the point of any kind of story (not just childbirth stories). The phrase is, "Enough about the delivery - tell us about the baby!" It's so true that new mothers want to talk about the delivery more than the baby. I guess that is because for 10 + months all we heard was everyone else's damned UNSOLICITED advice and labor stories which honestly are boring as hell to everyone but the person telling it.
We all vow never to be that girl, telling her 14 hour delivery story to everyone who will listen the moment they spot a waddling, huffing, puffing pregnant girl! I also vowed never to look at pregnant women with that irritating "oh-you-poor-thing-I've-been-there-and-I-understand" smile, I hated that as much as I hated people telling me to "get your rest now, haha!" AS IF I DIDN'T FUCKING KNOW!!! But I guess maybe they didn't know during their first pregnancy so they feel like you don't either. We don't all go into this with our fairy tale helmets on...
There are many irritating things about pregnancy, and so many scary things, and so many wonderful things. The bottom line is that everyone has their own experience, no matter what 9 out of 10 other women experienced. You can get worked up or you can just deal... The best advice was always from other recently new moms and it came in the form of ITEMS they found helpful, not ways they handled things, or books they read, or how they felt, or how everloving helpful their fucking mothers were. The BOPPY was a nice piece of advice, the BODY PILLOW was a good thing to tell me about but hey you can keep the rest of it to yourself. Don't even get me started on the speeches we endure from veteran miscarriage sufferers...that is really a new blog for another time.
Anyway - here is my story, but it is not intended to scare or comfort you either way. You will do it your own way, in your own time. I am only telling you because you asked and while it feels good to tell it, I am not condoning the telling of these stories.
--------------------
The very idea of vaginal child birthwas what kept me from really wanting kids for so long. I WAS TERRIFIED and by terrified I mean white-hot sweats, diarreah cramps and daymares for the entire pregnancy. Second only to that fear was my fear of the epidural needle (see first paragraph for unresolved fears) but I was NOT going without an epidural even if they used a damn baseball bat to administer it so I didn't even indulge in that fear. Not getting the epidural was like the equivalent to the sound and feel of the crackle under your foot when a nasty bug is squashed. It's traumatizing enough to have even seen the bug (see first paragraph for unresolved fears) but add to that the sound effects and the feeling through your shoe of squashing it? No thank you, if was was gonna blow my vagina out, I did not want to feel/see/hear a thing about it!
So, I kept my focus on the birthing fear alone. Let me say, I am no wuss, I have had plenty of surgery (as an adult I have had my tonsils out, wisdom teeth pulled, two cystectomys, and a full-scale breast reduction) and I am told I am tough as nails but this birth thing - umm no, I could not rationalize.
The majority of pregnancy was bearable with minor annoyances such as endless nausea that flipped a switch one day and became endless heartburn, the neverending urge to pee (even as you leave the bathroom), and the unsolicited advice that people love to give. For the last 3 months, resting was not restful. I found that putting my feet up and laying down made me feel stiff and achy. I was better off if I kept moving.
Contractions were not at all what they scare you with - they were tough but they count you through them, you can watch them peak and receed and it feels pretty normal. I had no idea that I was even having real labor contractions but I was literally off the charts when the hooked me up to the monitor. It felt like having to pee and poo and sneeze and yawn all at once but while you had the wind knocked out of you - annoying yes, horrid and awful - not really!
I knew C Section was an option only if medically necessary. I'm told repeatedly that this is still the medical guideline despite all the celebrities and the "schedule your own C Section" news you hear - the ONLY time doctors are supposed to allow it to be scheduled is if they know for SURE you're going by C Section (such as when previous births have been C Sections).
I was ALL ABOUT going C Section, I really didn't want to blow out my girly parts for the rest of my sex life let alone allow my poor husband to watch that shit! My rule for him was that he stay absolutely above my elbows at all times! I literally cried (albiet quietly) in the birthing classes when they showed videos of it. Plus, C Section seemed like a great option because I felt comfortable knowing exactly how my body heals from that type of surgery versus the lower blowout! I mean, I am the sort of girl who enjoys regular pees and poos and what would that do to a person even if only temporary? EEWW! Have you ever avoided peeing and pooing all day? How about 2 or more weeks? One girlfriend mentioned that her blownout lower region had it's own throbbing heartbeat after just 5 minutes of standing upright and this was up to two weeks after birth!
Apparently I was not alone in this paralyzing fear. I have heard many times that at some point during your late pregnancy your brain starts compensating for that ultimate fear with an even greater curiousity. Hmm.... Ah, ha! Just as I suspected, that is bullshit to keep you hanging in there until it's too late. Well, Ok, I do have one girlfriend (the same one who later felt the throbbing heartbeat down there) who had an amazing curiousity about what the head would feel like in the birth canal. She is a fucking freak! I never really got there but, I also never screamed and yelled or said shit like "get this thing out of me" or looked at my husband and said "you did this to me, you bastard!" like you see in the movies. I was quoted as saying "WHO DOES THIS?!?" (meaning have babies) but this was when they were breaking my water which was the absolute worst part for me. I wasn't supposed to even feel that but I had extreme tenderness around my uterus. I didn't actually feel them break my water (there are no nerve endings where they break it), but getting the knitting needle hook in the right position for me was the painful part. I was in pretty bad pain even when they were checking to see how dilated I was which I am told is HIGHLY unusual. They said my uterus was extremely irritated - I have theories about why that I can save for some other time, some other blog. This uterus tenderness was the absolue worst part of the entire pregnancy, labor, and delivery. Even with that, only hours later, I was fully able to say YES - unequivocally - I will face it again.
Gratefully, I did have a C-section but only because I was past my due date, the baby would not drop despite the inducement - his heart rate kept dropping along with my blood pressure so they decided just to do it. About an hour before they rushed me back for the C Section, they gave me the epidural which was so much hype, it was WAY easy and WAY beyond worth it.
So I end the story here, telling you I had a healthy, beautiful boy who I would DIE for 100 times over so yes, I would blow out my poor vagina without a second thought and I didn't really know that for sure until I saw him. The more I get to know him, the smaller that price gets.
Oh and DO NOT FIND OUT THE SEX! THAT IS MY only ADVICE!
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