Did you just call me a statistic?!

In a previous post , I told you my adult life/work history story and in it, I mused the fact that I am a statistic in that I earn less now that I have children. I dislike it. I don't "feel" like a statistic. I've never given a shit what the Jones' are doing or even what the Jones' think of what I am doing. I'm more inclined to do the opposite of what my peers are doing. So I don't readily cop to it, but if only coincidentally - it's true, I am a statistic. Ugg!

I referenced "experts" who say things and here is a succinct quote from Penelope Trunk (http://www.blog.penelopetrunk.com/), CEO of Brazen Careerist who I follow and normally agree with:

She said in her most recent blog:
"There is no gender disparity. Women earn more money than men in their 20s and when they have kids, women choose to downscale and men don't, so why don't we all shut up about the pay disparity and talk about the parenting disparity?"

Oh Goody! Can we? Can we please talk about the parenting disparity?!

Call me a statistic all you want, I know the truth.

There was a time, before I actually carried my first child and gave birth, that we seriously considered Justin being the stay at home parent. Either way, we wanted one of us mostly home with the kids and I'm eternally grateful to family (specifically my mom) for always filling in the gaps and giving us this time with our kids. You never get these 0 to 5 years back. You can't do that when they're 15, once you finally find time. But....

There was a verifiable shift in my household when I went from earning big and being gone alot to being home more, earning less, and letting my husband provide. Yes, I said "letting my husband provide", and before you tear me down for being a femi-nazi, I say it that way for a few reasons: 1. Right about the time that I started taking it slower, he began earning very decent money in his self-made business, and 2) I had to talk myself down from the career ledge a more than few times and I still have to give myself permission to slow down and focus on home.

When I started to allow myself permission to be home, I did relax somewhat but I also I felt less power in the household. Justin never made me feel that way, I made myself feel that way. I felt less important, I felt expendable, I even felt less attractive (that was F'ed!). I was the one who lost sleep to be up with kids in the middle of the night. I was the default parent 24/7, even when Justin was home. It would never occur to him to breeze right out into the garage and spend an hour just screwing around, assuming I had the kids covered. I felt like I could never get a break. I felt dumped on at every turn with never a thank you. I ran errands and made lunch and wiped asses.

I know, waah! waah! waah! I also became my husband's back office (a part time job in itself) along with working a minimum of 20 hours a week at my own job. Basically, you feel like you shouldn't complain or expect help or respite from the children and household if you're being afforded the luxury of being able to be home, even on a part-time basis. Maybe my problem is that taking care of home, children and husband can be a busy (if not intense) full time job of it's own and then I added two part time jobs on top of it.

I always say, it's not hard work to be at home, but it is emotionally more work than having a career. This is because the work is mind-numbingly dull yet constant. Nothing defines you. Oh, they'll tell you that your children's good manners are a real testament to your hard work, but seriously?! Nobody pats you on the head for finishing the laundry and keeping the dishes clean. You break your day into 30 minute segments and you build your schedule around naps and meals, and you never truly get anything thoroughly finished. It's much more intense to have a full time career but there are peaks and valleys there. You usually get evenings and weeekends off, vacation weeks, and down time at holidays. And that down time gives you the energy and perspective you need to be a productive, meaningful contributor when you are at work. As your primary employer, Parenting does not give a shit what day of the week it is, when it's time to projectile vomit in the car - it's time. No matter that your last trip to Mexico was over 5 years ago.

I am a worker, I long for the challenge and the meaning it brings to parts of me that I rely on alot. Sure, my kids bring me more joy than I ever imagined and I've never loved so deeply - but I (me), I get something out of working that I will never get at home. I will have difficulty retiring.
But Penelope made me feel better about being a "statistic". A while back she finished a scathing blog (What women can do when they're young to be happy later on) with this sentence:
"But then, that's the trouble with all research—when it suggests a change you weren't already excited about, you decide that it doesn't apply to you. And I'm no exception."

Hells Yeah!





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