Three mortifying days with a three year old heathen!

He is too smart for his own damn good. Wil has said/done the following things over the past three days. I always thought when I heard similar stories that someone had coached the child into the precocious thing he said or did but I know otherwise now.

On Saturday we were hanging out with my Grandparents, letting them spend time with the kids since we only see them a few times a year. My dad (Wil calls him Papa) was laying on the floor playing airplane with both kids. Wil was standing with his back to Papa playing with something on the table and Papa kept nipping Wil in the butt. Wil said "Stop it, Papa!" and my dad played coy, "What? I didn't do anything..." and Wil turned to keep playing. Papa did it again and played coy again - and Wil said "You're poking me in the ASS!" The killer was that he did not say it in a fresh mouth way, he was just using a word. He was annoyed with Papa, had no idea he even said a bad word! My jaw dropped and I stared at my grandmother who sorta laughed. Only in front of the Great Grandparents, right?!

On Sunday I was peeing while Wil was running around upstairs and he caught a glimpse of me finishing up on the pot. He said, "Mumma, do you pee out your butt?" I was honest but clinical as I explained that girls have vaginas and boys have penises. I verbally ran through an explanation where I matched his equipment up with Justin and Georgia's up with mine to give him a concept of the differences between boys and girls. He said "No, Mumma! Georgia has a penis too!"

On Monday Wil, Georgia and I were having breakfast (amazing scratch pancakes by Josh Jones) with Josh and Beej. We were seated around the dining room table in our pajamas and just chatting away. It was the one time during our visit to Nashville that Beej wasn't visible only from the eyes up (behind her laptop) and I wasn't chasing a wild ass kid around the house like a maniac - the first real quality time we'd all spent together. Wil stands up in his chair and says "Hey Uncle Josh, I have a big penis! See?" and pulls his thermal pants down and thrusts his hips forward. OH MY GOD!

How does Wil at age 3 even know that "big" is a preferred term with penis? Nobody talks to him about that stuff? He doesn't watch that kind of TV?

Beej LOST HER SHIT and laughed so hard she was snorting and hooting and heaving and crying. I snatched Wil up and took him into the bathroom, sat him down, and looked him in the eyes (trying so hard not to smile or laugh) and said "That was totally inappropriate behavior! You cannot show people your Penis at the breakfast table or anywhere else! It's private! You cannot do that..." and blah, blah, blah. He didn't miss a beat... He said "But Auntie BJ is laughing..." as if that made it okay. Hell, I was laughing! It was an impossible situation. Before we left the bathroom, I made him wash his hands.






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