The whole reason I started blogging was because of two or three blogs I frequently read (check out my "Also good for your head..." section). I feel corny saying these bloggers inspire me but that is the truth. I usually follow a blog if:
1. ..it makes me laugh
2. ..it makes me think
3. ..it makes me mad
4. ..it makes me reason out exactly why I disagree with it
5. ..it teaches me something
6. ..it makes me nod vehemently at the computer screen in utter agreement
The # 1 indicator of how moved I am by a blog is my tendency to comment on it.
The Pongo Blog is my favorite one to comment on, and that may be a reflection of the year I've had leading up to today (being my first day of a new job that I feel hopeful about). Despite attaining gainful employment, I will now always follow Pongo's blog, like a dear old friend.
I continue to follow bloggers that I often disagree with because of their amazing ability to open my mind with their smart and insightful writing. I'm struck by how much those bloggers make me fully understand my own opinions.
Penelope Trunk is definitely one of the best out there. Her recent post 5 Emerging trends from the recession is a reminder of why I follow her.
Previously, I had only blogged informally on MySpace or Facebook so it meant something entirely new to be setting up a standalone blog here on Blogspot. Somehow, it's more out there than MySpace or Facebook, but not by much.
Before Georgia turned one, if you told me I would soon find time to blog I would have shredded your face with my sharp, exposed nerves. "Blog? HA! I can hardly find time to poop most days! Blog, sure! Hmphft!"
When I started, I wasn't sure I would write enough or like enough of what I wrote. I didn't tell friends and family about it, other than a key few. I wanted people who don't love me (strangers) be the ones to comment on and weigh in on what I was saying. I approached blogspot as a testing ground. It has helped me determine that I can and do blog regularly.
I'm not sure where I will go with this but I am really enjoying the journey. I don't want to be a mommy blogger but I sure do blog about parenthood. I don't want to be a professional development blogger, but I have spent plenty of words on my work life. I am not sure what my blogging identity is yet, and I don't feel any real pressure to define it.
What are your favorite blogs and why?
0
Monday, February 23, 2009
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Heartbreaker...
Wil's cousin Daniel is 10 years old and Wil thinks he is the GREATEST thing ever.
When we're all together, Wil is always trying to engage Daniel and impress him. Daniel is right at that age when being cool to a 3 year old is SO NOT cool, and you can see the internal struggle on his face. Wil is so sweet and pure and so far from jaded in his thinking that he fully expects his big cousin to think his green stegosaurus undies are completely exciting and fantastically cool when poor Daniel just wants to melt into the carpet for having seen a 3 year old's gear so unexpectedly.
Thankfully, Wil doesn't have the complex social skills of knowing to be embarassed when he doesn't get the reaction he expected. He just moves on. My heart breaks everytime knowing the day is coming where he will "get it" and feel small about it. I guess that is part of how we learn to be appropriate. This is one of those lessons I can't foster myself and it has to play itself out for Wil to really know.
My plan is to bring up a unique kid and to teach him to always feel cool, no matter what anyone else thinks! That sort of confidence convinces others - we've all seen it. We all know somebody like this. That poster in the counsellor's office at your Junior High, "Dare to be different! Dare to be yourself!", it really works for some kids and I want to teach that as much as I'm able to.
What breaks your heart for your children?
O
When we're all together, Wil is always trying to engage Daniel and impress him. Daniel is right at that age when being cool to a 3 year old is SO NOT cool, and you can see the internal struggle on his face. Wil is so sweet and pure and so far from jaded in his thinking that he fully expects his big cousin to think his green stegosaurus undies are completely exciting and fantastically cool when poor Daniel just wants to melt into the carpet for having seen a 3 year old's gear so unexpectedly.
Thankfully, Wil doesn't have the complex social skills of knowing to be embarassed when he doesn't get the reaction he expected. He just moves on. My heart breaks everytime knowing the day is coming where he will "get it" and feel small about it. I guess that is part of how we learn to be appropriate. This is one of those lessons I can't foster myself and it has to play itself out for Wil to really know.
My plan is to bring up a unique kid and to teach him to always feel cool, no matter what anyone else thinks! That sort of confidence convinces others - we've all seen it. We all know somebody like this. That poster in the counsellor's office at your Junior High, "Dare to be different! Dare to be yourself!", it really works for some kids and I want to teach that as much as I'm able to.
What breaks your heart for your children?
O
Monday, February 16, 2009
How to amuse me...
Justin was asking me about the health of his skin the other day. I think he's been experimenting with eye creams, sssh! His skin HAS changed drastically in the last 5 years, as expected, when he's spent 12 hours per day, 6 days a week outdoors in the blistering sun or wretched cold. I pester him constantly about moisturizer and SPF. To be compelling, this time I brought up Dog The Bounty Hunter. While I love Dog (and especially Leland), he occasionally sports the look of a Shar Pei.
Justin was quiet for about 15 seconds...
Then he wondered aloud if Dog had a place at the top of his dresser where he stores his roach-clip leather strap beaded/feathered hair inserts. He wondered if Dog clips them onto something the way a woman would hang necklaces from a jewelry tree. Then he wondered if Dog had maybe been to a flea market and possibly spotted some unearthly contraption that he could use for storing said roach-clip accessories. Then he wondered who makes the roach-clip accessories and how the feathers actually stay attached during all that action. Do you think it's glue? twine? metal wire? I mean, how do the feathers not get lost? Do you think he has to go home and repair them from time to time? Then he talked about door-to-door Kirby vacuum salesmen.
I couldn't breathe for the laughing.
O
Justin was quiet for about 15 seconds...
Then he wondered aloud if Dog had a place at the top of his dresser where he stores his roach-clip leather strap beaded/feathered hair inserts. He wondered if Dog clips them onto something the way a woman would hang necklaces from a jewelry tree. Then he wondered if Dog had maybe been to a flea market and possibly spotted some unearthly contraption that he could use for storing said roach-clip accessories. Then he wondered who makes the roach-clip accessories and how the feathers actually stay attached during all that action. Do you think it's glue? twine? metal wire? I mean, how do the feathers not get lost? Do you think he has to go home and repair them from time to time? Then he talked about door-to-door Kirby vacuum salesmen.
I couldn't breathe for the laughing.
O
Thursday, February 12, 2009
You too can control the elephants in your head!
I recently wrote about lists and what they could say about our mental health. I started to brush upon the topic of self awareness, but I scrapped it so the blog wouldn't ramble.
I got fired up about it again when I saw Jonah Lehrer (02/05/09) on The Colbert Report. He talked about humans and decision making. He said, "The emotional brain generates gut instincts and intuition. The rational brain deals with facts. Humans tend to filter the world to confirm what they already believe. It's nice to have your preconvceived notions confirmed BUT it's important to be aware of those flaws so you can counteract them. It takes real work to control the elephants inside your head."
Mr. Lehrer talked specifically about the pilot who recently landed that flight in the Hudson - how he had to overcome his gut instincts and fear and let his training produce a deliberate, rational [and more safe] decision. He discusses, "metacognition (thinking about thinking) to see if you're thinking the right way and adjust your thought process."
I am the sort of person who doesn't like the idea of my habits being the boss of me. I will intentionally quit drinking Diet Coke for long periods just to make sure I am still in charge. I try to mix up my routines to make sure I can still cope without the comfort of my creature comforts. I thrive on structure and organization but I force myself to wing it sometimes. I do this to delay or counteract the inevitable, which for me is becoming my Nana who is so O/C that she has to check the lock 7 times with her left hand and 7 times with her right hand just to be able to leave the house.
My husband is a constant litmus test for my self-awareness. He is the most random thinker you ever met. He often bounces from task to task, never fully finishing any of it until he is good and damn ready to! When we started dating, I had a very serious management job with a very large company. I was the classic definition of a type A, over-achiever, control freak. Justin taught me how to drink beer and float down the river on an inner tube on a Sunday afternoon even if my work wasn't done, and honestly, that down time made me even more effective on the job. He taught me how to relax and enjoy the fruits of all my labor. To this day, I know this has everything to do with why I married him.
The year he decided to become a realtor, I worried constantly that he didn't have the self-discipline for it. A year later, when he decided to become a contractor, I stayed in a frenzy with nightmares of living in a half finished house our whole lives. Justin can be explained like this: He has the money, but forgets to pay the bills. I couldn't trust the floor I was standing on until I saw that his methods have a madness that work, FOR HIM. He's built a very nice business, and his customers (not surprisingly) love him and his solid work. As his back office, I can't stand him (where business is concerned). Our differences still seperate us, but I have learned to TRY a different way of thinking - and I think it has saved our relationship more than once.
Self awareness can be hard, but nothing worth having comes easily. I think self awareness is like a locked door that you are holding the key to. The only thing standing in the way of opening the door is your will to turn the key.
It's like packing your kitchen when you move. It looks really scary because there is a ton of shit to sort through, but it's all familiar shit and you know exactly which items to put in the garage sale pile and which items you should keep.
When we go on vacation, I always spend the prior week a bit hysterical - freaking out, making lists, doing mass amounts of deep cleaning, laundry, paying bills and running errands as if I were preparing to leave the country for 3 months. It's just my method! While not totally pleasant, I always know it's coming so I indulge a bit and plan for the craziness every time. I try to use it for good instead of evil.
My self awareness is in knowing that I get this way because I won't truly relax while I'm on vacation if I know there are rotting dishes in the dishwasher and I'll obsess about that damp towel molding in the hamper. It's my way of making sure the vacation succeeds. I know I'm going too far when I start trying to give away food that will still be perfectly good by the time we get back. When that Jessee arrives, I have a little talk with her about chilling the fuck out! "Put the stick of butter back in the fridge! Be the change you want to see!" And it works.
O
I got fired up about it again when I saw Jonah Lehrer (02/05/09) on The Colbert Report. He talked about humans and decision making. He said, "The emotional brain generates gut instincts and intuition. The rational brain deals with facts. Humans tend to filter the world to confirm what they already believe. It's nice to have your preconvceived notions confirmed BUT it's important to be aware of those flaws so you can counteract them. It takes real work to control the elephants inside your head."
Mr. Lehrer talked specifically about the pilot who recently landed that flight in the Hudson - how he had to overcome his gut instincts and fear and let his training produce a deliberate, rational [and more safe] decision. He discusses, "metacognition (thinking about thinking) to see if you're thinking the right way and adjust your thought process."
I am the sort of person who doesn't like the idea of my habits being the boss of me. I will intentionally quit drinking Diet Coke for long periods just to make sure I am still in charge. I try to mix up my routines to make sure I can still cope without the comfort of my creature comforts. I thrive on structure and organization but I force myself to wing it sometimes. I do this to delay or counteract the inevitable, which for me is becoming my Nana who is so O/C that she has to check the lock 7 times with her left hand and 7 times with her right hand just to be able to leave the house.
My husband is a constant litmus test for my self-awareness. He is the most random thinker you ever met. He often bounces from task to task, never fully finishing any of it until he is good and damn ready to! When we started dating, I had a very serious management job with a very large company. I was the classic definition of a type A, over-achiever, control freak. Justin taught me how to drink beer and float down the river on an inner tube on a Sunday afternoon even if my work wasn't done, and honestly, that down time made me even more effective on the job. He taught me how to relax and enjoy the fruits of all my labor. To this day, I know this has everything to do with why I married him.
The year he decided to become a realtor, I worried constantly that he didn't have the self-discipline for it. A year later, when he decided to become a contractor, I stayed in a frenzy with nightmares of living in a half finished house our whole lives. Justin can be explained like this: He has the money, but forgets to pay the bills. I couldn't trust the floor I was standing on until I saw that his methods have a madness that work, FOR HIM. He's built a very nice business, and his customers (not surprisingly) love him and his solid work. As his back office, I can't stand him (where business is concerned). Our differences still seperate us, but I have learned to TRY a different way of thinking - and I think it has saved our relationship more than once.
Self awareness can be hard, but nothing worth having comes easily. I think self awareness is like a locked door that you are holding the key to. The only thing standing in the way of opening the door is your will to turn the key.
It's like packing your kitchen when you move. It looks really scary because there is a ton of shit to sort through, but it's all familiar shit and you know exactly which items to put in the garage sale pile and which items you should keep.
When we go on vacation, I always spend the prior week a bit hysterical - freaking out, making lists, doing mass amounts of deep cleaning, laundry, paying bills and running errands as if I were preparing to leave the country for 3 months. It's just my method! While not totally pleasant, I always know it's coming so I indulge a bit and plan for the craziness every time. I try to use it for good instead of evil.
My self awareness is in knowing that I get this way because I won't truly relax while I'm on vacation if I know there are rotting dishes in the dishwasher and I'll obsess about that damp towel molding in the hamper. It's my way of making sure the vacation succeeds. I know I'm going too far when I start trying to give away food that will still be perfectly good by the time we get back. When that Jessee arrives, I have a little talk with her about chilling the fuck out! "Put the stick of butter back in the fridge! Be the change you want to see!" And it works.
O
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
My Acid-Washed thoughts
I am NO beacon of fashion, not by any stretch. I am known for my campy, outdoorsy style of dress. You could dress me straight out of the REI store or Sierra Trading Post catalog most days. Khakis or jeans, plain white t-shirts/sweaters, layered with some Royal Robbins vest or a hoodie, finished with some super-hip Keen shoes. The most I do is make an attempt to keep the cut and style of my boring clothes updated, as in, my jeans and khakis are low rise/boot cut with the right wash. That said, here goes...
It is my belief that denim has a very limited place in sane society. I am always horrified when I see denim things other than jeans or jackets. Purses, scrunchies (which denim or not should be outlawed, sorry Berger!), shoes, baby bags, vests, couches, throw pillows, duvet covers, etc.
Oh, and baby denim is a whole other issue. I think baby denim is some of the worst denim. If your baby can't wear jeans that are modeled after the current style of adult jeans yet, just hold off. Cutesy or novelty denim is neither CUTE nor NOVEL.
Occasionally, denim jackets can be questionable. They never top off a pair of jeans. Khakis? Sure. Corduroys? Why not! Madras plaid shorts? Go for it! More denim? NEVER! Denims almost never match each other, and should not be forced together. It is impossible to match denims unless it's an actual outfit, sold as a unit. Matchy-matchy denim is even more concerning, unless you're J.Lo and you can actually pull it off - but I still doubt it. And, let's be honest, even J.Lo hasn't done that since she was dating Puffy.
So, ease up on the denim, and if you really feel fondly about the item in all its bedazzled glory, hold onto it for when your BFF throws a kitschy "white-trash" party. Hey, don't kill the messenger, I'm just trying to save the fashion police a trip to your home or place of employ.
Oh! And since you've read this far, you should be rewarded with a free fashion tip: Your shoes and handbag should generally NOT match! That classic fashion move will probably make a permanent comeback someday, but for now, it screams that you're a little fashion backward. Even I know this!
We all have some embarrassing, prized denim item, let's hear about it! I'll go first: My item is a pair of Guess overalls that I still hope will come back into style so I keep them in my attic.
O
It is my belief that denim has a very limited place in sane society. I am always horrified when I see denim things other than jeans or jackets. Purses, scrunchies (which denim or not should be outlawed, sorry Berger!), shoes, baby bags, vests, couches, throw pillows, duvet covers, etc.
Oh, and baby denim is a whole other issue. I think baby denim is some of the worst denim. If your baby can't wear jeans that are modeled after the current style of adult jeans yet, just hold off. Cutesy or novelty denim is neither CUTE nor NOVEL.
Occasionally, denim jackets can be questionable. They never top off a pair of jeans. Khakis? Sure. Corduroys? Why not! Madras plaid shorts? Go for it! More denim? NEVER! Denims almost never match each other, and should not be forced together. It is impossible to match denims unless it's an actual outfit, sold as a unit. Matchy-matchy denim is even more concerning, unless you're J.Lo and you can actually pull it off - but I still doubt it. And, let's be honest, even J.Lo hasn't done that since she was dating Puffy.
So, ease up on the denim, and if you really feel fondly about the item in all its bedazzled glory, hold onto it for when your BFF throws a kitschy "white-trash" party. Hey, don't kill the messenger, I'm just trying to save the fashion police a trip to your home or place of employ.
Oh! And since you've read this far, you should be rewarded with a free fashion tip: Your shoes and handbag should generally NOT match! That classic fashion move will probably make a permanent comeback someday, but for now, it screams that you're a little fashion backward. Even I know this!
We all have some embarrassing, prized denim item, let's hear about it! I'll go first: My item is a pair of Guess overalls that I still hope will come back into style so I keep them in my attic.
O
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Insane much? Consult your to do list!
Terri has referenced LISTS in more than one comment on this blog. I'm not sure she noticed herself doing that but it got me thinking. I use lists for comfort, decision making, organization - whatever, it's kind of how I run my life. So, I thought I would blog about it.
As great as lists are, there is a very dangerous edge to them. I manage pretty well, but my Mom, OH GOD! And that is what I could potentially become. At my age, my Mom used lists in all the good, productive ways. She was a master-lister! If I didn't inherit the list trait biologically, I learned it from her. I hope I continue to learn from her, but this time - I want to learn what NOT to do.
Mom and lists have a co-dependent relationship. I've busted her making lists on fast food bags, napkins, torn envelopes from incoming mail, notebook paper with peanut butter stains. She makes lists of lists she needs to condense or re-write. She keeps the most recent lists in a pile on her kitchen table, where she sits most of the day. She will make a list and then start a new list just by changing the direction of the paper, that is she'll start writing kitty-corner. All of that concerns me, but what really freaks me out is the nature of the items she sometimes puts on her lists. It can be entirely indicative of what kind of emotional health she is in at any given moment. Things like: "Do laundry" or "Feed dog". I know, RIGHT!!!
She CAN consciously tell you that it seems insane not to just feed the dog, but rather to put it on a list for herself. Note to reader: The dog's food and bowl are not 4 steps from the kitchen table where she is writing the list. She CANNOT consciously tell you why she adds it to the list rather than just do it. And, I often ask her if when she cleans the bathroom or does the laundry, does she track down that tattered list and cross that item off to enjoy the satisfaction of being closer to the goal of finishing the list! The answer is no, she doesn't because she is not using lists in a healthy way, not using lists to attain goals. She is using lists under the pretense of clearing the clutter in her brain - but it's backfiring in the most mentally ill way. She knows it and still cannot help herself.
She tries to hide the pile when I come in unannounced - it's a little game of ours, but I always feel like I'm shaming her. Not a nice feeling. I've attempted to give her a "system" or help her get back to her own "system", the one that used to keep her life running well too - but nothing sticks anymore. Kinda scary...especially when you consider that my mom personally coined the (oh-god-I-can't-believe-I'm-telling-you-this) phrase: J-F-D-I! A sick twist on Nike's "Just Do It" campaign! I'm sure you can guess what the F was for! I shit you not, this phrase is an actual member of the family.
I can see writing what seems like a task you wouldn't be able to overlook (like Laundry) on a calendar, as in: Monday is "Laundry day" or Tuesday is "Grocery day" but how effective is a list of day-to-day chores? Pretty much, if you don't have the self awareness to regularly notice and respond to the fact that you're running low on skivvies - you need SO much more than a list!
I think people in my family have that perfection disease like that lady on Oprah - you let your life/house get trashed because if you can't do something perfectly - Fuck it, why bother! I totally identify with that line of thinking - but as a responsible human, you need to avoid pits like this by consciously managing yourself. Call it positive thinking or whatever blows your hair back, but really... when you feel yourself approaching the cusp of this vortex of list writing or paralyzing perfection, DO SOMETHING different with the energy that is pushing you in that direction. It's a perfect example of a time when NO DECISION is the WORST DECISION.
So make lists, but make lists that make sense and that make your life easier, not more complex and unclear.
What are your lists like?
0
As great as lists are, there is a very dangerous edge to them. I manage pretty well, but my Mom, OH GOD! And that is what I could potentially become. At my age, my Mom used lists in all the good, productive ways. She was a master-lister! If I didn't inherit the list trait biologically, I learned it from her. I hope I continue to learn from her, but this time - I want to learn what NOT to do.
Mom and lists have a co-dependent relationship. I've busted her making lists on fast food bags, napkins, torn envelopes from incoming mail, notebook paper with peanut butter stains. She makes lists of lists she needs to condense or re-write. She keeps the most recent lists in a pile on her kitchen table, where she sits most of the day. She will make a list and then start a new list just by changing the direction of the paper, that is she'll start writing kitty-corner. All of that concerns me, but what really freaks me out is the nature of the items she sometimes puts on her lists. It can be entirely indicative of what kind of emotional health she is in at any given moment. Things like: "Do laundry" or "Feed dog". I know, RIGHT!!!
She CAN consciously tell you that it seems insane not to just feed the dog, but rather to put it on a list for herself. Note to reader: The dog's food and bowl are not 4 steps from the kitchen table where she is writing the list. She CANNOT consciously tell you why she adds it to the list rather than just do it. And, I often ask her if when she cleans the bathroom or does the laundry, does she track down that tattered list and cross that item off to enjoy the satisfaction of being closer to the goal of finishing the list! The answer is no, she doesn't because she is not using lists in a healthy way, not using lists to attain goals. She is using lists under the pretense of clearing the clutter in her brain - but it's backfiring in the most mentally ill way. She knows it and still cannot help herself.
She tries to hide the pile when I come in unannounced - it's a little game of ours, but I always feel like I'm shaming her. Not a nice feeling. I've attempted to give her a "system" or help her get back to her own "system", the one that used to keep her life running well too - but nothing sticks anymore. Kinda scary...especially when you consider that my mom personally coined the (oh-god-I-can't-believe-I'm-telling-you-this) phrase: J-F-D-I! A sick twist on Nike's "Just Do It" campaign! I'm sure you can guess what the F was for! I shit you not, this phrase is an actual member of the family.
I can see writing what seems like a task you wouldn't be able to overlook (like Laundry) on a calendar, as in: Monday is "Laundry day" or Tuesday is "Grocery day" but how effective is a list of day-to-day chores? Pretty much, if you don't have the self awareness to regularly notice and respond to the fact that you're running low on skivvies - you need SO much more than a list!
I think people in my family have that perfection disease like that lady on Oprah - you let your life/house get trashed because if you can't do something perfectly - Fuck it, why bother! I totally identify with that line of thinking - but as a responsible human, you need to avoid pits like this by consciously managing yourself. Call it positive thinking or whatever blows your hair back, but really... when you feel yourself approaching the cusp of this vortex of list writing or paralyzing perfection, DO SOMETHING different with the energy that is pushing you in that direction. It's a perfect example of a time when NO DECISION is the WORST DECISION.
So make lists, but make lists that make sense and that make your life easier, not more complex and unclear.
What are your lists like?
0
Monday, February 9, 2009
If only it were only money!
Blogs and articles like this one (be sure to read the comments as well as the blog itself) TERRIFY me even more than I already am scared of this recession. I was laid off January 2nd and my husband is a contractor/realtor so our shit hit the fan a while ago.
Amazingly - we are making it. Also amazing, we are not killing each other or the children despite the fact that two workaholics have never had so much time at home on their hands. As scared as I am, we do our level best to enjoy this weird downtime.
I AM that girl who is UNABASHEDLY stalking recruiters and hiring managers who give me their business card at the close of the interview that I just dumbed myself down for. AARGH! At least that article let's me know they understand.
I am in this horrible kind of donut hole and as evidenced by the recent growth in the size of my ass, I'm apparently trying to eat a tunnel through the donut that is trapping me. There are no jobs in my field or at my level in my area. I am far too qualified for the few openings that are out there. Oh, I get interviews and I nail them, but it feels sorta crappy to under-sell myself, to scratch and claw for a job I can't afford to take. Employers in my area are laying off en masse and the few available jobs will be absorbed soon.
With acquisition and new hire training costs per employee starting around $25,000, I don't entirely blame these employers who have statistical data compelling them to doubt my commitment.
So, I'm panicked alot lately and I calm myself by saying "It's only money - I can live in a soup can and eat cardboard as long as I have my family and my health." I firmly believe this. It's not some mantra that I aspire to. It's at the core of me. I KNOW THIS IS TRUE but...
The problem with this sentiment is that I cannot surrender today and just go back to zero. If we could sell our house or car and not be upside down - we'd do it tomorrow, no TODAY! If we could press a button and be in a shitty but affordable rental with everything in our lives scaled down to what is appropriate for our "present budget", I'd be grateful, relieved, and happy to be there. I would not feel one bit resentful. No part of me is afraid of rebuilding, of working hard to get back up there. But it doesn't work like that does it? What I do fear is working so hard and losing it all despite that. So sure, it's only money but how do I give it back? I can't, so I strive to make every day work fighting the one idea that will save me... It's only money...
So, in an effort to spread positivity rather than just war stories, what are you doing in this economy to keep things positive?
0
Amazingly - we are making it. Also amazing, we are not killing each other or the children despite the fact that two workaholics have never had so much time at home on their hands. As scared as I am, we do our level best to enjoy this weird downtime.
I AM that girl who is UNABASHEDLY stalking recruiters and hiring managers who give me their business card at the close of the interview that I just dumbed myself down for. AARGH! At least that article let's me know they understand.
I am in this horrible kind of donut hole and as evidenced by the recent growth in the size of my ass, I'm apparently trying to eat a tunnel through the donut that is trapping me. There are no jobs in my field or at my level in my area. I am far too qualified for the few openings that are out there. Oh, I get interviews and I nail them, but it feels sorta crappy to under-sell myself, to scratch and claw for a job I can't afford to take. Employers in my area are laying off en masse and the few available jobs will be absorbed soon.
With acquisition and new hire training costs per employee starting around $25,000, I don't entirely blame these employers who have statistical data compelling them to doubt my commitment.
So, I'm panicked alot lately and I calm myself by saying "It's only money - I can live in a soup can and eat cardboard as long as I have my family and my health." I firmly believe this. It's not some mantra that I aspire to. It's at the core of me. I KNOW THIS IS TRUE but...
The problem with this sentiment is that I cannot surrender today and just go back to zero. If we could sell our house or car and not be upside down - we'd do it tomorrow, no TODAY! If we could press a button and be in a shitty but affordable rental with everything in our lives scaled down to what is appropriate for our "present budget", I'd be grateful, relieved, and happy to be there. I would not feel one bit resentful. No part of me is afraid of rebuilding, of working hard to get back up there. But it doesn't work like that does it? What I do fear is working so hard and losing it all despite that. So sure, it's only money but how do I give it back? I can't, so I strive to make every day work fighting the one idea that will save me... It's only money...
So, in an effort to spread positivity rather than just war stories, what are you doing in this economy to keep things positive?
0
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Suck on this RED PEN, helicopter parents!
My sister's recent blog post involving bedroom performance ratings mixed with parenting (I don't know how she can crossover like that, but she does!) made me want to write about the old adage and the newest spin on it: Spare the rod, spoil the child?! It makes me a little sick.
While I may not endorse the rod, I think there is an effective way to parent firmly, with love and boundaries, rules, and expectations that prepare them for the world!
As a parent I think we must use RED INK and quantitative grading. We must be disappointed and be mad at our children when appropriate. Let them discover the feeling of losing and NOT getting a trophy anyway. They SHOULD develop a taste for vegetables and healthy, whole foods as babies because it will likely follow them their whole life. You CANNOT let them eat whatever they want and expect or assume they will "outgrow" it later.
All of these modern "positive" parenting tenets (helicopter parenting) are COMPLETE HORSESHIT! These parents scare the shit out of me! They say, "Oh, what about his feelings? I hate to see him cry when he doesn't seem to understand the punishment!". Oh, dumb, dumb parent: Believe me, he understands it - and if not by name, by feel. If he fails to understand it, it's your fault because you haven't given him the chance to. You're so afraid of how he'll "feel" that you're skipping over the lesson to be learned!
I cannot believe how unprepared for the real world young adults are these days and parents are creating this problem. Cut the apron strings!! If children cannot delineate between success and failure, or take a bad situation and make it a winning outcome - how will they even get to the point where they should have kids themselves?
I saw this mission statement in a high school on Friday night, it went something like: "Empowering students through education to become productive, responsible members of society." It made me wonder what their specific methods are, because I sure do like the sound of that but what I see them churning out these days is not THAT! I have a sister about to graduate high school and have been involved with her soccer seasons. I recently worked with plenty of the <24 age group, and it's consistent.
We have a huge responsibility to our children and sheltering them is to essentially retard them. Shock, loss, bad grades, a tough boss - all REAL things in the world. The sooner they learn to COPE with that and OVERCOME it, the sooner they will succeed in life.
Our job is to teach them to COPE and OVERCOME, not protect or shield them from all negative impacts in life. OH I GET SO HOT ABOUT THIS...
And it begs the question: Where are these parents? Who are they? Everyone I know who is having kids, or even not having kids believes in reality parenting, preparation for the real world. Generational experts say much of this will change when these kids become parents, that parents often parent in ways that are contradictory to the way they were raised. I say,
let's hope!
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While I may not endorse the rod, I think there is an effective way to parent firmly, with love and boundaries, rules, and expectations that prepare them for the world!
As a parent I think we must use RED INK and quantitative grading. We must be disappointed and be mad at our children when appropriate. Let them discover the feeling of losing and NOT getting a trophy anyway. They SHOULD develop a taste for vegetables and healthy, whole foods as babies because it will likely follow them their whole life. You CANNOT let them eat whatever they want and expect or assume they will "outgrow" it later.
All of these modern "positive" parenting tenets (helicopter parenting) are COMPLETE HORSESHIT! These parents scare the shit out of me! They say, "Oh, what about his feelings? I hate to see him cry when he doesn't seem to understand the punishment!". Oh, dumb, dumb parent: Believe me, he understands it - and if not by name, by feel. If he fails to understand it, it's your fault because you haven't given him the chance to. You're so afraid of how he'll "feel" that you're skipping over the lesson to be learned!
I cannot believe how unprepared for the real world young adults are these days and parents are creating this problem. Cut the apron strings!! If children cannot delineate between success and failure, or take a bad situation and make it a winning outcome - how will they even get to the point where they should have kids themselves?
I saw this mission statement in a high school on Friday night, it went something like: "Empowering students through education to become productive, responsible members of society." It made me wonder what their specific methods are, because I sure do like the sound of that but what I see them churning out these days is not THAT! I have a sister about to graduate high school and have been involved with her soccer seasons. I recently worked with plenty of the <24 age group, and it's consistent.
We have a huge responsibility to our children and sheltering them is to essentially retard them. Shock, loss, bad grades, a tough boss - all REAL things in the world. The sooner they learn to COPE with that and OVERCOME it, the sooner they will succeed in life.
Our job is to teach them to COPE and OVERCOME, not protect or shield them from all negative impacts in life. OH I GET SO HOT ABOUT THIS...
And it begs the question: Where are these parents? Who are they? Everyone I know who is having kids, or even not having kids believes in reality parenting, preparation for the real world. Generational experts say much of this will change when these kids become parents, that parents often parent in ways that are contradictory to the way they were raised. I say,
let's hope!
0
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