You too can control the elephants in your head!

I recently wrote about lists and what they could say about our mental health. I started to brush upon the topic of self awareness, but I scrapped it so the blog wouldn't ramble.

I got fired up about it again when I saw Jonah Lehrer (02/05/09) on The Colbert Report. He talked about humans and decision making. He said, "The emotional brain generates gut instincts and intuition. The rational brain deals with facts. Humans tend to filter the world to confirm what they already believe. It's nice to have your preconvceived notions confirmed BUT it's important to be aware of those flaws so you can counteract them. It takes real work to control the elephants inside your head."

Mr. Lehrer talked specifically about the pilot who recently landed that flight in the Hudson - how he had to overcome his gut instincts and fear and let his training produce a deliberate, rational [and more safe] decision. He discusses, "metacognition (thinking about thinking) to see if you're thinking the right way and adjust your thought process."


I am the sort of person who doesn't like the idea of my habits being the boss of me. I will intentionally quit drinking Diet Coke for long periods just to make sure I am still in charge. I try to mix up my routines to make sure I can still cope without the comfort of my creature comforts. I thrive on structure and organization but I force myself to wing it sometimes. I do this to delay or counteract the inevitable, which for me is becoming my Nana who is so O/C that she has to check the lock 7 times with her left hand and 7 times with her right hand just to be able to leave the house.

My husband is a constant litmus test for my self-awareness. He is the most random thinker you ever met. He often bounces from task to task, never fully finishing any of it until he is good and damn ready to! When we started dating, I had a very serious management job with a very large company. I was the classic definition of a type A, over-achiever, control freak. Justin taught me how to drink beer and float down the river on an inner tube on a Sunday afternoon even if my work wasn't done, and honestly, that down time made me even more effective on the job. He taught me how to relax and enjoy the fruits of all my labor. To this day, I know this has everything to do with why I married him.

The year he decided to become a realtor, I worried constantly that he didn't have the self-discipline for it. A year later, when he decided to become a contractor, I stayed in a frenzy with nightmares of living in a half finished house our whole lives. Justin can be explained like this: He has the money, but forgets to pay the bills. I couldn't trust the floor I was standing on until I saw that his methods have a madness that work, FOR HIM. He's built a very nice business, and his customers (not surprisingly) love him and his solid work. As his back office, I can't stand him (where business is concerned). Our differences still seperate us, but I have learned to TRY a different way of thinking - and I think it has saved our relationship more than once.

Self awareness can be hard, but nothing worth having comes easily. I think self awareness is like a locked door that you are holding the key to. The only thing standing in the way of opening the door is your will to turn the key.

It's like packing your kitchen when you move. It looks really scary because there is a ton of shit to sort through, but it's all familiar shit and you know exactly which items to put in the garage sale pile and which items you should keep.

When we go on vacation, I always spend the prior week a bit hysterical - freaking out, making lists, doing mass amounts of deep cleaning, laundry, paying bills and running errands as if I were preparing to leave the country for 3 months. It's just my method! While not totally pleasant, I always know it's coming so I indulge a bit and plan for the craziness every time. I try to use it for good instead of evil.

My self awareness is in knowing that I get this way because I won't truly relax while I'm on vacation if I know there are rotting dishes in the dishwasher and I'll obsess about that damp towel molding in the hamper. It's my way of making sure the vacation succeeds. I know I'm going too far when I start trying to give away food that will still be perfectly good by the time we get back. When that Jessee arrives, I have a little talk with her about chilling the fuck out! "Put the stick of butter back in the fridge! Be the change you want to see!" And it works.






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