I've been listening to...

I've been living on repeat listens to the newly re-released Liz Phair, Exile in Guyville. I love it every bit as much as I did when it debuted, but I sortof miss the odd, unexplained thickness of the old disc. "Ant in Alaska" kicks ass!

The newest Weezer is also rocking my senses!

Both of these gems are compliments of Amy - the only music source I really ever trust!

And I chronically listen to, as always, Dr. Dre's THE CHRONIC circa nine-deuce, bitches! I think I'm literally on my third copy of that disc.

Does anyone else think..

Does anyone else think Sean Penn would make a great Popeye?!? I'm sure the role doesn't have enough pain, grit, or intensity for him - he forgets he played Spicoli once upon a time... Although, I do look forward to "Into The Wild" but mostly because I enjoyed the book 11 years ago and because I really like Emile Hirsch as a young actor. I think I'm looking forward to the soundtrack even more than the movie, though!

As interesting as it is, I remain puzzled as to why America has embraced this story about Alexander Supertramp and his death - tons of people die of stupidity and unpreparedness in the wilderness every year. He wasn't all that easy to identify with other than in a completely fantastic way - scary even. Maybe it was just because Krakauer wrote about him. Who knows...

Oh, and UH - the Red Sox ROCK! I totally want to marry Papelbon and make out with Ellsbury!



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Don't be a sucker like the rest of the world!

Ok, this is the only speech I'll make to expectant parents and I really, really feel strongly about this: DO NOT FIND OUT THE SEX OF YOUR BABY!

I've done it both ways. With my first child (William), we didn't want to know and when the doctor said "It's a boy!", my heart literally skipped a beat! IT WAS THE SINGLE MOST EXCITING THING I'VE EVER DONE IN MY LIFE!

With my second child (Georgia), again we didn't want to know but the doctor slipped and told us about halfway through the pregnancy, it was totally anti-climactic. I feel even more strongly now that I've done it both ways. The pregnancy itself is exciting enough. It's a short time and it's the only time in your life when you can truly be surprised!

As far as preparing for a boy or a girl - white clothes and bedding are better than any colors because babies get stains and white can be bleached clean. Also - all babies wear for the first 8 weeks is little t-shirts, gowns, and onesies.

As far as decorating, there are so many great neutral room themes that are far classier than pink girl / blue boy stuff. Once that little shawty arrives, you can go to your favorite baby clothes store and stock up on all that you want in the right colors. This also ensures that you won't overbuy throughout your pregnancy and be wasteful. Plus, what if you have a teeny tiny baby and you didn't buy teeny tiny clothes. OR what if you did buy teeny tiny clothes (and you already washed them so baby would have clean clothes as soon as you get home because you won't feel like doing laundry) and your baby is not so teeny tiny and you can't return them!!! Just get generic white stuff and wait...so many reasons to wait...

When you register for your shower, let people buy you equipment, gear, and diapers - not clothes. Other peoples taste in baby clothes sucks so bad anyway. Trust me, you'll need gear and equipment more than clothes that you can afford to buy yourself in exactly the style you like. And regarding the gear: I nearly stroke out when I see a Dad pushing a fluffy pink stroller with a fluffier fuscia baby bag through the mall. Get the gear to match your life, not the baby's gender! The car seat should coordinate with your CAR. The baby bag basically becomes your purse - so use the same rules for handbag purchasing. I personally protected my husband from stylish women stroking out when they saw him with baby gear in the mall by purchasing him his very own Jack Spade (husband of Kate) Field Bag. I gave it to him for Father's Day before the baby arrived. The first time he decided to take Wil on his own, he was psyched about packing up his very own bag for him but he did leave it at the very first place he stopped.


I really think it can help you bond with the baby faster too because you are so distracted by the surprise of "boy" or "girl" that you don't have time to be freaked out AND ALSO when you don't know, you cannot develop a specific expectation of how the baby will look so it can alleviate disappointment or lack of recognition.

When things get tough at the end when you're so uncomfortable it will give you so much to think about and focus on when you really need it! When you're actually in labor, you have so much anxiety already, and you're so scared that you need something to focus on to get your mind off it and that is the only thing big enough to distract you!

My mother-in-law literally got MAD at me 4 or 5 times during my pregnancy with Wil because we wanted it to be a surprise. She was outright angry because she wanted to know, damnit! It drove her up a wall. Before he was born, in the hospital, she told me she was so glad we didn't find out, she thought it was the most exciting birth she ever waited for because of that.

Also, three or four friends of mine just had babies and they all found out the sex, knew the name, etc. so far in advance that when it came time for the birth, people were like "Oh, I kept thinking they had her a while ago..." because they already knew sex/name. They just were not nearly as excited and believe me, you need people to be excited for you and stay excited for you!
Sometimes, they're wrong anyway and how devastating would that be?
Update: December 2008: Before, I'd only heard of it happening. Now, I actually know a woman who was having a girl, had the name, the clothes, the nursery all in PINK and brown {played out but pretty} and went to the hospital to have her, and OOPS! FUCKING BOY! Sorry!

It's very tempting to find out, but when you do find out, the huge surprise is all over with in one short second and then the excitement is over. With Wil, my office did a "baby pool" and bet a pot of almost $1,000 on boy/girl/length/weight - and then they donated the money to us anyway...and sent us a huge fruit basket with chocolate and treats with a big blue bow on it to the hospital. It was so much more exciting!! With Georgia, they didn't even send a card or flowers to the hospital!

Don't be a sucker like the rest of the world. It is truly one on the most amazing surprises of your life. Please do not find out!

Not always a fan...

I am not always a fan of these lists but this one was not only funny but about 72% true for me anyway. Oh, don't even act like you're above it.



25 SIGNS YOU HAVE GROWN UP
1. Your house plants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.
2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
5. You hear your favorite song in an elevator.
6. You watch the Weather Channel.
7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of "hook up" and "break up."
8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."
10. You're the one calling the police because those %&@ kids next door won't turn down the stereo.
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers.
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
16. You take naps.
17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach!
19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.
20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty goodshit."
21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
22. "I just can't drink the way I used to" replaces "I'm never going to drink that much again."
23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
25. When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate them instead of asking "Oh shit, what the hell happened?"
Bonus:
26: You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn't apply to you and can't find one to save your sorry old ass. Then you forward it to a bunch of old friends 'cause you know they'll enjoy it!


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Tee Hee!!

Ok, so I was checking out my best friend's daughter's myspace (she is 13) and one of her little friends left her a comment that I've pasted below. What makes it funny is that it's so genuine, she really means it... Read it through despite how painful it gets - the middle to end is the best part, but I deleted the one name to protect the innocent, I didn't care about the other names... Damn, kids are stupit funny - here goes:

"heyy, this comment is for melissa since she's always on your myspace obviously i kno she's on my yop friends im not an idiot i been cool wit her and sarah basil told lynleigh that sam said that brian was a stalker and im not gonna tell lynleigh to stop saying that caz lynleigh is my best friend so if you want suttin done then step up and you tell lynleigh yourself...luv ya"

The best part is the end, "luv ya"! How funny is this?! It's like an SNL skit!


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Six Degrees of Separation? Try 2!

6 Degrees of Seperation? More like 2!!

I realized while drafting an email the other day, how MySpace and Facebook have entirely reduced the 6 Degrees of Seperation to about 2 degrees.

It's creepy - I've lived all over the US and I have a handful of close friends who I've stayed in touch with through every move. I used to pride myself on being the kind of friend who stays in touch. MySpace and Facebook make the world seem so small (and cheap!).

I'm not one to really search through profiles of friends and their friends because it is simply OVERWHELMING! It spins out of control when you think about it, but I have done it - you know who you are! I guess it depends on my mood or if I'm bored at work...

Making a list of people I know who DO NOT have a MySpace and /or Facebook would be much less work than making a list of those who do. What is that? And to browse them all, you see just such a different side of the people you think you know. And of course, you do the whole "Would I even be friends with you if I just saw your profile? thing" and even if you find them, you don't always want them to find you, who knows why. I'm telling you - it's fucking creepy!

I do my best NOT to get addicted, but sadly - I think it surpasses e-mail and the address book I've painstakingly kept up with forever for keeping in touch with people anymore. With MySpace and Facebook, you don't need to remember any email addresses other than your own.
What would we do if MySpace / Facebook was shut down or went out of service all the sudden one day? The only thing I can imagine that would annoy me more is losing my cell phone (only because it has irreplaceable phone numbers in the phone book).

I've had a MySpace for about 14 months now and as much as I resist, I rely on it! Ugg! I mean I am a staunch believer in my old fashioned Franklin Planner - I cannot adopt the technology of a Palm Pilot - I mean what if the battery up and died on me? I cannot give up my check register - even though my husband INSISTS that I am stubborn like a mule and QuickBooks would work financial miracles for us. We use it for his business, I am GOOD at QuickBooks and I still refuse to use it for personal use. I don't think you should find out the sex of your baby until it is born! I am a technology whiz in most areas, but there are some things I think are sacred and need to stay HUMAN!

Thoughts?

Who on earth asked??

So after reading my "Because you asked.." blog, a very good friend could not believe another friend of mine would ask if childbirth was "worth it". I don't blame her one bit for her question. Here is my response to her:

My friend Priscilla asked me what childbirth was really like - she did not ask if it was worth it. Of course we all know it's worth it. What you don't always know and can't understand until you actually have the kid is HOW worth it.

I could have EASILY been one of those women who never had children. You knew me back when... It might have been a twinge of something I missed here and there as I got older, but you know Justin and I weren't trying to give up our package vacations and stuff and stuff. We had to come to terms with how to continue to have that stuff with Wil and we decided Wil is just going to have to be cool like us. I don't think parents really consider that before having kids. He is just GOING to be the one 4 year old you see helping old ladies find their gates at the airport. He is going to have his own passport and his own luggage (and I will not be the MOM of his shit). He will learn to pack his own bag and don't bring shit you can't carry by yourself and he is going to learn that life is what you make it and you take the fun with you. I was never scared of this responsibility of teaching him how to be his own person - THIS is parenting. Parenting is not picking out cute outfits and buying a station wagon.

Because you asked...(more for the ladies)!

Probably more for the girls...

A friend recently asked how terrifying childbirth really was. In a previous blog (which I wrote AFTER having my son) I listed "childbirth" as one of the three unresolved fears that I live with to this day (the other two are needles and bugs). Naturally, my answer to her question cannot be simple but please note that I wouldn't tell the story unless she asked.

Also, in preface to this blog, I heard a phrase the other day and my blog is exactly why this phrase was coined. You're supposed to use this phrase when you want to hurry someone to the point of any kind of story (not just childbirth stories). The phrase is, "Enough about the delivery - tell us about the baby!" It's so true that new mothers want to talk about the delivery more than the baby. I guess that is because for 10 + months all we heard was everyone else's damned UNSOLICITED advice and labor stories which honestly are boring as hell to everyone but the person telling it.

We all vow never to be that girl, telling her 14 hour delivery story to everyone who will listen the moment they spot a waddling, huffing, puffing pregnant girl! I also vowed never to look at pregnant women with that irritating "oh-you-poor-thing-I've-been-there-and-I-understand" smile, I hated that as much as I hated people telling me to "get your rest now, haha!" AS IF I DIDN'T FUCKING KNOW!!! But I guess maybe they didn't know during their first pregnancy so they feel like you don't either. We don't all go into this with our fairy tale helmets on...


There are many irritating things about pregnancy, and so many scary things, and so many wonderful things. The bottom line is that everyone has their own experience, no matter what 9 out of 10 other women experienced. You can get worked up or you can just deal... The best advice was always from other recently new moms and it came in the form of ITEMS they found helpful, not ways they handled things, or books they read, or how they felt, or how everloving helpful their fucking mothers were. The BOPPY was a nice piece of advice, the BODY PILLOW was a good thing to tell me about but hey you can keep the rest of it to yourself. Don't even get me started on the speeches we endure from veteran miscarriage sufferers...that is really a new blog for another time.

Anyway - here is my story, but it is not intended to scare or comfort you either way. You will do it your own way, in your own time. I am only telling you because you asked and while it feels good to tell it, I am not condoning the telling of these stories.

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The very idea of vaginal child birthwas what kept me from really wanting kids for so long. I WAS TERRIFIED and by terrified I mean white-hot sweats, diarreah cramps and daymares for the entire pregnancy. Second only to that fear was my fear of the epidural needle (see first paragraph for unresolved fears) but I was NOT going without an epidural even if they used a damn baseball bat to administer it so I didn't even indulge in that fear. Not getting the epidural was like the equivalent to the sound and feel of the crackle under your foot when a nasty bug is squashed. It's traumatizing enough to have even seen the bug (see first paragraph for unresolved fears) but add to that the sound effects and the feeling through your shoe of squashing it? No thank you, if was was gonna blow my vagina out, I did not want to feel/see/hear a thing about it!

So, I kept my focus on the birthing fear alone. Let me say, I am no wuss, I have had plenty of surgery (as an adult I have had my tonsils out, wisdom teeth pulled, two cystectomys, and a full-scale breast reduction) and I am told I am tough as nails but this birth thing - umm no, I could not rationalize.


The majority of pregnancy was bearable with minor annoyances such as endless nausea that flipped a switch one day and became endless heartburn, the neverending urge to pee (even as you leave the bathroom), and the unsolicited advice that people love to give. For the last 3 months, resting was not restful. I found that putting my feet up and laying down made me feel stiff and achy. I was better off if I kept moving.

Contractions were not at all what they scare you with - they were tough but they count you through them, you can watch them peak and receed and it feels pretty normal. I had no idea that I was even having real labor contractions but I was literally off the charts when the hooked me up to the monitor. It felt like having to pee and poo and sneeze and yawn all at once but while you had the wind knocked out of you - annoying yes, horrid and awful - not really!


I knew C Section was an option only if medically necessary. I'm told repeatedly that this is still the medical guideline despite all the celebrities and the "schedule your own C Section" news you hear - the ONLY time doctors are supposed to allow it to be scheduled is if they know for SURE you're going by C Section (such as when previous births have been C Sections).

I was ALL ABOUT going C Section, I really didn't want to blow out my girly parts for the rest of my sex life let alone allow my poor husband to watch that shit! My rule for him was that he stay absolutely above my elbows at all times! I literally cried (albiet quietly) in the birthing classes when they showed videos of it. Plus, C Section seemed like a great option because I felt comfortable knowing exactly how my body heals from that type of surgery versus the lower blowout! I mean, I am the sort of girl who enjoys regular pees and poos and what would that do to a person even if only temporary? EEWW! Have you ever avoided peeing and pooing all day? How about 2 or more weeks? One girlfriend mentioned that her blownout lower region had it's own throbbing heartbeat after just 5 minutes of standing upright and this was up to two weeks after birth!

Apparently I was not alone in this paralyzing fear. I have heard many times that at some point during your late pregnancy your brain starts compensating for that ultimate fear with an even greater curiousity. Hmm.... Ah, ha! Just as I suspected, that is bullshit to keep you hanging in there until it's too late. Well, Ok, I do have one girlfriend (the same one who later felt the throbbing heartbeat down there) who had an amazing curiousity about what the head would feel like in the birth canal. She is a fucking freak! I never really got there but, I also never screamed and yelled or said shit like "get this thing out of me" or looked at my husband and said "you did this to me, you bastard!" like you see in the movies. I was quoted as saying "WHO DOES THIS?!?" (meaning have babies) but this was when they were breaking my water which was the absolute worst part for me. I wasn't supposed to even feel that but I had extreme tenderness around my uterus. I didn't actually feel them break my water (there are no nerve endings where they break it), but getting the knitting needle hook in the right position for me was the painful part. I was in pretty bad pain even when they were checking to see how dilated I was which I am told is HIGHLY unusual. They said my uterus was extremely irritated - I have theories about why that I can save for some other time, some other blog. This uterus tenderness was the absolue worst part of the entire pregnancy, labor, and delivery. Even with that, only hours later, I was fully able to say YES - unequivocally - I will face it again.


Gratefully, I did have a C-section but only because I was past my due date, the baby would not drop despite the inducement - his heart rate kept dropping along with my blood pressure so they decided just to do it. About an hour before they rushed me back for the C Section, they gave me the epidural which was so much hype, it was WAY easy and WAY beyond worth it.

So I end the story here, telling you I had a healthy, beautiful boy who I would DIE for 100 times over so yes, I would blow out my poor vagina without a second thought and I didn't really know that for sure until I saw him. The more I get to know him, the smaller that price gets.


Oh and DO NOT FIND OUT THE SEX! THAT IS MY only ADVICE!