As great as lists are, there is a very dangerous edge to them. I manage pretty well, but my Mom, OH GOD! And that is what I could potentially become. At my age, my Mom used lists in all the good, productive ways. She was a master-lister! If I didn't inherit the list trait biologically, I learned it from her. I hope I continue to learn from her, but this time - I want to learn what NOT to do.
Mom and lists have a co-dependent relationship. I've busted her making lists on fast food bags, napkins, torn envelopes from incoming mail, notebook paper with peanut butter stains. She makes lists of lists she needs to condense or re-write. She keeps the most recent lists in a pile on her kitchen table, where she sits most of the day. She will make a list and then start a new list just by changing the direction of the paper, that is she'll start writing kitty-corner. All of that concerns me, but what really freaks me out is the nature of the items she sometimes puts on her lists. It can be entirely indicative of what kind of emotional health she is in at any given moment. Things like: "Do laundry" or "Feed dog". I know, RIGHT!!!
She CAN consciously tell you that it seems insane not to just feed the dog, but rather to put it on a list for herself. Note to reader: The dog's food and bowl are not 4 steps from the kitchen table where she is writing the list. She CANNOT consciously tell you why she adds it to the list rather than just do it. And, I often ask her if when she cleans the bathroom or does the laundry, does she track down that tattered list and cross that item off to enjoy the satisfaction of being closer to the goal of finishing the list! The answer is no, she doesn't because she is not using lists in a healthy way, not using lists to attain goals. She is using lists under the pretense of clearing the clutter in her brain - but it's backfiring in the most mentally ill way. She knows it and still cannot help herself.
She tries to hide the pile when I come in unannounced - it's a little game of ours, but I always feel like I'm shaming her. Not a nice feeling. I've attempted to give her a "system" or help her get back to her own "system", the one that used to keep her life running well too - but nothing sticks anymore. Kinda scary...especially when you consider that my mom personally coined the (oh-god-I-can't-believe-I'm-telling-you-this) phrase: J-F-D-I! A sick twist on Nike's "Just Do It" campaign! I'm sure you can guess what the F was for! I shit you not, this phrase is an actual member of the family.
I can see writing what seems like a task you wouldn't be able to overlook (like Laundry) on a calendar, as in: Monday is "Laundry day" or Tuesday is "Grocery day" but how effective is a list of day-to-day chores? Pretty much, if you don't have the self awareness to regularly notice and respond to the fact that you're running low on skivvies - you need SO much more than a list!
I think people in my family have that perfection disease like that lady on Oprah - you let your life/house get trashed because if you can't do something perfectly - Fuck it, why bother! I totally identify with that line of thinking - but as a responsible human, you need to avoid pits like this by consciously managing yourself. Call it positive thinking or whatever blows your hair back, but really... when you feel yourself approaching the cusp of this vortex of list writing or paralyzing perfection, DO SOMETHING different with the energy that is pushing you in that direction. It's a perfect example of a time when NO DECISION is the WORST DECISION.
So make lists, but make lists that make sense and that make your life easier, not more complex and unclear.
What are your lists like?
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